Te-Erika’s Diary: My Crippling Attraction To Pitiful Men

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I recently realized that I am attracted to men that I feel sorry for.This goes back to my formative years, back to elementary school when I found myself ‘liking’ a boy that no one would talk to who wore a sweater with a hole in it.I felt bad for him and wanted to show him that he had good in him too. I said hi to him and sat next to him and he ignored me, like he did with everyone else. This behavior of mine continued on to high school. My first love was a boy I saw at lunchtime. He seemed so sad and I was drawn to him. I wanted to make him happy. Three months of talking to him and I did it, I made him happy. We started going out which he says changed his life.

Even the father of my children, I wasn’t attracted to him initially. It took a while but I felt the need to be his first love. No other woman in his life had ever loved him or was willing to be his girlfriend. I was his first girlfriend.

I realized this pattern recently as I was annoyed by my most recent lover. He does not have his life together and I was frustrated with him. He’s great in bed, but his past relationships all prove one thing- he’s looking for a woman to take care of him. I do not want to take care of a man or to be his motivator and instructor all of the time.

But then again- I guess I do because I always choose the ones who need motivating, or at least the ones who I feel need a dose of love. In fact, if a man is too handsome or too successful, I figure that he can find someone wonderful and he doesn’t need me in his life.

Am I a healer in some way? Co dependent maybe?

I am not sure but something has to change. I don’t want to rescue a man again and show him the love I believe he should experience. I want someone good, someone who is not a fixer upper.

But then again- I don’t even notice those types of guys. My eyes are drawn to the forlorn, the lost, the sad.

That seems to be my type.

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