How to Survive – Finding Out You are Adopted

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It might be the shock of a lifetime to learn that the people who raised you are not the same people who helped to create you and bring you into this world. If you’re just finding out about this news you may be experiencing sadness, frustration, disbelief and curiosity over the life you could have lived.

You may be asking yourself:

What would my life have been like if I had grown up with my birth parents?

Did they give me away because they didn’t love me?

Do my birth parents ever think of me?

Would my life have been easier if I had not been adopted?

Do I have any sisters and brothers?

Are there things about my family’s history that are impacting my life and I do not know it?


Adopted Woman StoryYou may also feel as though you are an outsider in the family that you grew up in because you do not look anything like them and your interests may be different as well. These are all normal questions and feelings and are nothing to be ashamed of.

The important thing to remember about this new revelation is the fact that you were adopted which means, unlike other children on your block, you were chosen by your adoptive parents. You were carefully selected, wanted and desired. They chose to bring you into their family you were not a surprise or a mistake.

If you are wondering about your birth mother and why she gave you away, it is okay to be curious about this. Please do understand that if she were physically, financially and mentally capable of taking care of you, she would have.

She gave you the best gift a loving mother could give, she gave you the chance to grow up in an environment that she could not offer you. She could have been selfish and kept you to herself, allowing you to struggle with her but she did not. She loved you enough to let you go and be surrounded by people who would care for you in ways that she could not.

There is more than one way to be a good Mother and this is just one example.

Were there moments in your past where you feel that you could have been treated better or more fairly? Were there times when you were hurt by people that you love? Do you think that maybe you could have had a magical life if you had just been raised by your birth mom?

That is a fantasy. There is no person walking on earth who has not had traumatic experiences and trials in life.  You never know if the ones you didn’t experience would have been more life altering than the ones you did.

Adopted Girl Story

So now what do you do with all of the angst you feel about your unknown past? Channel it into something creative. Create a book about what you think your alternate life could have been like? Paint a drawing of what you believe your alternate family could have looked like. Create an entirely different family from the one that chose you, create a story about your life with them and compare it to the one you have now.

There were no mistakes made. You are alive intentionally and your circumstances are special because you are. Stand tall. You were chosen.

Choose to do something awesome with the rest of your life.

Choose to be the person you admire.

Relax. Your new life is just beginning after this revelation. You were adopted. You were selected.

It’s time to celebrate!

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