ADVICE: My Girlfriend Admitted She Cheated, Now What Do I Do?

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Hi Te-Erika,

My girlfriend of 4 years recently admitted that she cheated on me in the past. She said the guilt over it was eating her alive and she didn’t want any secrets between us. I was about to find out because I found some woman’s number in my phone and I never answered so I didn’t know who it was. When she saw it she admitted that she was wrong and she was sorry but now I don’t know if I can trust her anymore. She said it happened one time and that she doesn’t want to lose me over it. I want to forgive her but I can’t let it go in my mind. Should I leave her for cheating on me?



Hi Ava,

This situation is a new take on a question that I receive quite a bit. Women who are afraid their partners are cheating often write to me for suggestions on how to handle it. While I don’t believe that cheating is the worst thing a person can do, I do understand the feeling of betrayal that it brings about.

But let’s examine this situation from a different viewpoint. You say you received phone calls from a random woman on your phone and didn’t answer. Your girlfriend saw this and willingly admitted to cheating on you. This means she was afraid you would find out from the woman in question and didn’t want you to find out that way.

I have to be honest with you here, a partner who cheats on you once may not do it again. I used to think that people were either wired for monogamy or not, but recently I discovered men who said they stopped being promiscuous when they met the woman that made them WANT to stop looking at other women. This led me to believe that I can’t generalize behavior at all.

In your case, I applaud your girlfriend’s efforts to come clean. You should always honor a person who is willing to tell the truth and apologize. Even if she did it because she thought she was about to get caught, a person who is willing to admit a bad deed is someone you should stick with because you know they love you enough to set the record straight even if it will make them look bad and they risk losing you. That is honorable. You want someone like that on your team.

All My Best!




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