OPINION: Why do women love abusive men?

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I have come up with one conclusion about women who stay with abusive men and claim they love them, despite the abuse. Outside of the fact that some women feel that they can not support themselves or function independently, some women have another reason why they stay and it has nothing to do with the man.

To illustrate this point I’ll have to reference a theory I learned a few years ago. The Imago Theory helps understand why some people fall in love with others. It teaches us that people yearn to recreate the relationships they had as a child with their parents. If they watched their parents express love for each other in a certain way, they will grow to believe that that is the best way that love is expressed. In essence, if a woman grew up watching her parents argue and fight, she will believe that she does not have true love unless she argues and fights with her mate.

In another amazing study of relationships in the BDSM Community, I learned that there are women and men who are turned on sexually by abuse and humiliation. 

In turn, my answer is simple, women who remain in abusive relationships may stay because they subconsciously enjoy the abuse.

I know this seems shocking and absurd but there is a emotional reaction that women (or men) receive from being humiliated or abused. This feeling is physical and affects the brain and the body. For some women, it satisfies them. For others, it makes them feel safe. Some women NEED to be abused in order to feel comfortable with themselves.

I won’t make the mistake of trying to change how a woman feels she needs to be loved because that is not something that I can do. It needs to be her decision. What I can suggest is, if a woman repeatedly finds herself in abusive relationships, she should assess her love needs and engage in them appropriately and safely by joining a BDSM community and taking classes on how to incorporate this deviant desire into her relationship safely. There are classes and workshops dedicated to teaching humiliation and impact play to couples who can admit they become aroused by pain and rejection. It’s not abnormal at all. My best advice is to learn how to engage in an abusive relationship safely and watch how your relationship improves.



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