I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I feel like I have to be PERFECT all the time. When I make a little mistake or bad judgement or something doesn’t go my way I feel like I should be punished and there’s something within ME that doesn’t deserve good things.
There’s this ugly part of me that I hate. She’s nervous. She’s uptight. She’s insecure about who she is as a woman. She wants to please sooo badly. She wants to lay down and be the sacrifice so that others could live. This sounds so crazy to me, but in my mind I would rather see you live happily than see myself.
I don’t know why I have this heart or this personality. I try to burn it out with silence yet this can’t go away for anything.
I feel guilty all the time. Guilty for not meeting my full potential or guilty for not being perfect. Sometimes I can smile a sincere smile because I chose it, but other times I am hurting in my heart over something I think I didn’t do well.