Te-Erika’s Diary: How He Talked Himself Out of a Date

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This past Saturday I was on my way to the barber to get a nice shampoo. Yes, I allow my barber to shampoo my hair (or my head since I don’t have much hair) because it feels so good and he’s cute!

Regardless, on the way there I was crossing the street when a man smiled at me and made a comment that I don’t remember. I simply replied by telling him that I’m doing well and I’m on my way to get a shampoo at the barber. He laughed and said he could do it for free.

Yesterday I was walking home from the grocery store when I see a man smile at me and I smiled back out of courtesy. Then I hear, “HEYY!” It startled me so much I wondered if something was wrong. I stopped and looked behind me. It was the man I had just greeted with a simple smile.

He walked toward me and I looked at him with questioning eyes.

“I just saw you the other day when you were going to get a shampoo at the barber,” he said. I laughed. Then I realized that he must be interested so I gave him the once-over as he fumbled trying to start a conversation.

He looks about 50. He seems okay. I’m not really in the mood to meet any men right now but I don’t want to be rude. Hm. Maybe he can help me out if he knows the neighborhood well.

“I’m looking for a new apartment in this neighborhood,” I told him. “I’m looking for a 1 bedroom or a studio, not too close to the beach because my phone doesn’t get a signal at the beach but maybe 4 or 5 blocks away.”

His eyes lit up. Of course he knows of a few places he could tell me about if I gave him my number. So I did. He seemed satisfied.

“Would you like to get together for coffee?” he asked after I had already started walking away. I shrugged. Sure.

He called me about an hour later and by the time I hung up with him I already knew he wasn’t someone that I wanted to see again. The hard part is, I am not desperate nor do I desire a relationship because I enjoy being by myself more than I enjoy being around people so I’m not an easy target for a date or a relationship.

If you’re a man you need to pay attention, here are 5 ways you can talk yourself out of a date with a woman like me.


1. He complimented me on my natural hair, but then proceeded to demean all women who wear weaves, explaining in detail how Black women who wear weaves get on his nerves with their “Don’t touch my hair” during intimacy.

FOR REAL- You can give a compliment without putting someone else down. I am an advocate for women and I say, I wear natural hair because I want to, but that doesn’t make me RIGHT and the rest of the women who choose differently- WRONG.


2. He said it was nice to meet me because I seemed friendly, but then proceeded to complain about all the other women he has met here in Long Beach who react to him in a negative way when he tries to start conversation on the street.

FOR REAL- Complaining about other women is a failure method. No woman wants to hear that. Instead you should try to keep the conversation light, let her lead it if she is interested and ask her about her. A man who complains about women is a man who doesn’t know how to make a woman happy. Women are attracted to men who tell good stories about women.

And don’t think approaching a woman on the street will automatically get you a good result. Unless she’s a street walker, she’s probably busy, on her way somewhere and on every single corner some man yells at her, tries to talk to her or approaches her, you are not the first. You are not even the first man to approach her THAT DAY so if you see a beautiful woman and you think you would like to know her, say Hi, tell her she’s beautiful and wait to see if she gives you a signal that she is attracted to you as well.


3. He complained about meeting so many women with kids, without asking me if I had kids first. I had to tell him that I do have children and he was quiet. He also complained about older women having too much baggage. He also complained about women who talk too much and gave an example of a woman he had gone out with the previous week.

FOR REAL- STOP COMPLAINING. From his conversation, I know for a fact that he would one day be sitting with some other woman complaining about ME.


4. He invited me out for coffee then suggested we meet up at the local 7-11.


FOR REAL- I’m not even worth Starbucks? Get out of here!


5. He said he was 37 and then admitted that he was really 53.

FOR REAL- There are women who like older men and I am one of them. In fact, 53 is a good age for me. You don’t have to lie. That’s childish.

It goes without saying that I will throw him a peace sign if I ever see him again and his number is now recorded as DNA (Do Not Answer) on my phone.

This is why I don’t date. Yuck. I really do enjoy my own company more. SMH.

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