Te-Erika’s Diary: 14 Signs I Am (Apparently) Not Happy

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The author of a Huffington Post article cites 14 Signs That You are Happy. As I went through the list I realized that most of them do not apply to me, yet I consider myself to be content with life right now. What gives?

Here is her list and how my life and personality compares to each one.

You want others to share in your happiness.

Um. I don’t have a specific desire for anyone in particular to share in my happiness.  No. I really don’t. Is that about the “Be happy with me!” type of feeling? No. I don’t feel that.

You don’t sweat the small stuff…

Um. Life is made up of a bunch of small things, but yeah, for the most part, I am not annoyed daily by things.

…In fact, you appreciate the little things.

Yeah. I appreciate it when the bananas are not quite ripe, when the neighbor’s car alarm doesn’t go off in the middle of the night, when no one irritates me, when my legs work well enough to walk to the store. I do appreciate small things like increased traffic numbers for my blog.

You’re proud of other people’s successes.

I am extremely proud when I see someone set a goal for themselves and achieve it. I wish more people did that so I would have more people to write about!

Living in the moment is very important to you.

Yes. It’s the only time we really have.

You’re in a healthy relationship (and not just with your significant other).

I am in a healthy relationship with myself and my Mama and my sons. I have a few friends that I speak to every other month. Hope that counts.

When something is stressing you out, you know how to calm down.

Nope. Haven’t mastered this yet. I usually just freak out until I cry and fall asleep. Or I freak out until I can mentally realize that I am freaking out and then I laugh about it. My go-to panic attack reducer is: It’s not really that serious.

You’ve gotten your “affluenza” shot.

This seems vague but after reading her description she’s talking about valuing good relationships over things. Well, I like being alone  and I don’t really shop or buy things often so— I don’t know where I stand here.

You’re constantly adopting a glass-half-full mentality.

No. I am a pessimist. I am always thinking of the worst case scenario and then thinking of ways I can turn it into something that would benefit me.

You have a sister.

I don’t trust my sister at all. Sisters are not the key to happiness.

Making new friends seems to come easy for you.

I don’t make new friends. I don’t like meeting new people. I’m an introvert. Do we not matter? Am I unhappy because I don’t like surrounding myself with strangers that I have nothing in common with since my interests are weird and specialized and the majority of the world wouldn’t be open to my world views?  I don’t like this one.

You’ve reached a goal (and you have more you want to accomplish).

Yes. I’m pretty good at this.

You say cheese.

Oh. This one was about people who smile really BIG for the camera. No. I don’t like taking pictures and when I do- I use a fake smile.

There’s nothing keeping you tossing and turning at night.

Are you fucking kidding me? I’m running a women’s empowerment blog by myself. I’m in the middle of a women’s empowerment project that is taking a year and a half so far. My sons are on the other side of the country waiting for me to turn my life into a success story so they can see me more often and my paycheck is a week late and I ran out of money 2 weeks ago which means I’m eating canned vegetables right now while they clear up the mistake.

Plus, I’m fascinated by what I’m learning and how I’m growing as a writer so it’s hard to sleep when I have a million ideas bouncing around and I want to be among the best in my industry and I am doing it by myself and working on my fitness goals and trying to be okay with masturbating and nothing real and answering emails from people who need help and trying to be nice to everyone when all I need is a damn hug and I want to be a better example to women and be all perfect and healed and polished but I’m not and I worry it turns them off because I don’t have it together yet but I really do have important shit to share just not in ALL areas yet. DAMN!


I guess I’m not happy. Life is kind of full and exciting and stressful and weird and uncomfortable and tiring right now. But I wouldn’t change anything about it, not at all.



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