ADVICE: Is My Life In Shambles Because I’m a Sinner?

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Hi Te-Erika,

I want to ask you about your opinion on my life. I have hit a few rough times financially lately and I am tired of struggling. My family believes it is because I have not yet divorced my husband who moved out more than a year ago after we lived together, separately, for 2 years before that. He stopped being my husband 3 years ago yet on paper he still is. Since then I have moved on with another relationship and I am happy, except for the financial stresses that have surfaced. Is my hard times a punishment because I am basically an adulterer and I am a sinner?



I am certain that your family means well when they tell you that your romantic lifestyle is affecting your ability to support yourself. They simply do not know what else to say so they will try to blame you for your misfortune, offering you an opportunity to clean up your act so that you will prosper. Don’t be upset with them, they are only offering the only solution they can understand.

You are not a sinner. There is no such thing as a sinner although your religion will cause you to believe that. You believe you are a sinner because you CHOOSE to believe it.

Think about it like this. Your need for salvation is based solely on the fact that you are a sinner. What determines if you are a sinner? Well, first you have to believe you are a sinner BEFORE you can need salvation.

You CHOOSE to believe you are a sinner and THEN you need salvation from it. You can also CHOOSE to believe you are not a sinner and then you won’t need salvation. Get it?

In reference to your belief that your perceived sin is causing you to experience rough times, nothing could be further from the truth. Life is a constant cycle of ups and downs, especially during our formative years during our 20’s and 30’s. You’re learning survival methods that will serve you for the rest of your life. There is a lesson to be learned here, pay attention during each trial. How did you overcome it? Were you able to think quickly on your feet and resolve the situation?

Your relationship is not a sinful relationship because 1) sin does not exist except to those who believe in the concept and 2) marriage is a socially constructed concept that was invented by humans therefore the idea of adultery (sex outside of your marriage) is fictional as well.

You are happy right now. You’ve managed to do what so many other women are afraid to do and that is end an unhappy, unhealthy relationship. So many women cling to the idea of preserving the concept of marriage simply at the detriment of their own emotional and physical health. You didn’t do that. You walked away which was the right thing to do.

Do you want to know why I believe your separation from your husband was the right thing to do? Well, how often do you walk away from a delectable slice of chocolate cake that is warm on your tongue and explosive on your taste buds? Hardly EVER.

If you were happy, you would not have even thought about walking away from your relationship. When people are truly happy, they feel as though they want to DIE there because they feel as though they have reached the peak of contentment in life. Would you have been content to DIE in your former husband’s arms? No. Then you weren’t happy.

Your life will continue to be a series of ups and downs. Over the years they will become less drastic but today each of these lessons serve you well.

You are not a sinner. You are not being punished. You are only punishing yourself with this belief simply because you need someone to blame for a situation that happens to everyone under the sun.

Accept it. Learn how to maneuver around the financial stress and keep being happy right where you are.



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