ADVICE: I’m Alone In a New City & It Hurts

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[box] Hi Te Erika, I have a question for you. I am a 26 year old female currently faced with a dilemma. I recently moved from LA to ATL and my life fell apart. I stopped trusting myself, I don’t feel grounded anymore, I don’t have a solid circle of friends and my family is not close. I opened my eyes to it all very recently and discovered I want a change.

My mom is moving to PA and wants me to come with her but I’m sick of living with mom, I want my own identity back but I also don’t feel ready for the world. It’s overwhelming for me. I want friends but everyone I meet either has their own agenda or is just not real. All the guys I meet just want a piece of me. I feel very alone and life is not fun for me unless i’m drinking. I am caught at a cross roads: either I stay in ATL alone, move back to LA alone and without a job or go with my mom to PA without a job. I have 3 days to make a decision and I am so stuck. ~Sincerely E[/box]

Dear E,

First of all, congrats on deciding to take a leap in life! Most people won’t even get as far as you did. By moving to a new city you proved that you have what it takes to progress in life. All you need now is a little fine tuning on your perspective- so here we go.

What I’m feeling from your email is not really about the struggle of making it in a new city but the pain of not connecting with anyone. You’re lonely. You want to feel connected and that is something we all need in life.

I can’t instruct you on how to make friends because as an adult it is much more difficult. During the past two years that I have been in LA filming The Rebuild Your Life Project- Los Angeles I have not made any friends at all.  At first I struggled with it but then things got better as I truly became my own best friend. Some people don’t have the capacity to enjoy life solo but maybe it is time that you try to do this. If you can learn how to go out by yourself, how to be your own company, you can go to any city in the world and have a blast.

I can’t tell you which city to move to or even if you should leave Atlanta. I say give each city you live in a good 6 months before you even think about leaving, and then I think you really need 4 seasons to really understand each city and its people. If you are earning money right now, take the time to save more before you take a leap based on your emotions. If you don’t you will become dependent on other people and that is only going to depress you.

What you are running from will follow you from city to city so I would encourage you to stop running and make your fear happen. You probably fear being alone. Instead of being angry about it, embrace it and spend all of your time alone. Stop dating. Stop trying to make friends. Stop being sad about eating meals alone. Make your life about only you for a few months. Cry if you have to. But learn this skill and it will help you for the rest of your life. Life is not a test.

I had a nudging to do a 3-card tarot reading for you. I do these sometimes and hadn’t done one in a while but my intuition told me that you needed one.  I asked the cards- Is there anything E needs to know?

I’m seeing that there is a tight waist. There is something cinching about your midsection. You don’t have a clue about it though because you are focused on what you don’t have.  Your eyes are closed to what is going on that is causing you to shrink around your waist. Please be mindful of this area.

What are you carrying with you that prevents you from seeing your beauty? Whatever it is is laced around your fingertips. You need to take better care of yourself. Focus on you and your health.

There is a lot of good in the bad in this world and a lot of bad in the good. You are having a tough time embracing this fact and you will flitter and flutter until you can accept that nothing is perfect. There are friends for you in the future however, this alliance will not come until much later. In the meantime, take 5 minutes before you make a decision and don’t do anything drastic. Life is not a test.

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