Come on. You’re bored and you know it. Sometimes doing the right thing is too much of a good thing and you’re about to nod off every time you see your significant other’s face.
Thank goodness I’m here to help you spice things up a bit by adding a little drama and excitement to a mundane relationship. Try these tips and get ready for the fireworks.
- Send your partner a text while they are at work. It should read: We need to talk. When they reply, ignore it. And after work, get busy. In fact, be as busy as you can for 2 days while giving them a straight face and shaking your head when you see them. If they corner you and ask you what is going on simply say, “I took care of it.”
- While sitting quietly with your partner enjoying a television program or a movie, cock your head to one side and ask, “Do you think someone can love two people at once?” This should elicit a side-eye and a response but don’t entertain the conversation after that.
- Go to the dollar store and buy a pregnancy test. Leave it on the backseat of your car for them to find. When they ask you about it just say, “Oh. It’s nothing.” And then shake your head at them solemnly.
- The next time you have a disagreement, shuffle into the kitchen and cook up your partner’s favorite meal including their favorite desert and wine. Get dressed in something sexy that you know they will love and serve them a plate wearing your best heels and perfect make up. When they ask, “What’s the occasion?” make sure your face is completely blank when you respond by saying, “Because I love you so very much.” Then watch them as they take a bite of the food and chew it. Then smile.
- Choose a country on the other side of the world. Go online and bookmark a few websites that tell you about this country’s culture. When your partner is there plainly ask them, “Have you ever thought about moving to (insert name of country)? I think it might be time for a change.” When your partner reacts, tell them what you have learned about the country and how you imagine you both there living your lives together.
- Go out with your friends and turn your phone off. Don’t turn it back on or go home until the next afternoon.
- Invite a girlfriend over on the same night your partner is scheduled to show up. When you know they’re on the way, both of you should climb in bed and snuggle up pretending to be asleep as a big surprise.