I had an amazing birthday despite my claim that I usually hate my birthday. I guess after writing about why I usually hate my birthday, I got over it and decided that I wanted to enjoy this birthday and it was probably one of my best birthdays EVER.
I smiled all day. I answered the phone when people called to wish me Happy Birthday. I ate what I wanted. I hung out. I did ZERO work on my goals, I even accomplished a long time dream of mine by painting a picture. I’ve always wanted to be an artist. I love how I recognize a negative pattern, accept it and then move past it. It’s really all a choice, it really is.
Anyway, I made another choice yesterday that I have been contemplating for a while. I truly admire those women who run, walk or rollerblade. Basically, any woman who exercises deserves a cookie for their efforts at staying in shape. While I never really worry about my weight or obsess over how I look since I think I’m absolutely stunning, recently I’ve noticed that I don’t fit my jeans anymore. I fit my fat jeans, you know, the ones you keep that are too big, just in case you need them one day. Well, I fit those now. The rest of my jeans, I can’t even button up or pull up over my thick thighs.
My BEFORE picture.
This didn’t make me sad. In fact, I love the way my body has filled out and I feel like I’m finally sexy with a booty and everything, but I won’t waste money buying more clothes when I have a grant to give away and my sons are visiting in 2 weeks and I need to save my money for that so I have been wearing tights and shorts, basically looking like a bum. I don’t care what I look like most days because I really try NOT to attract men and I find the more effort I put into my appearance the more men come running up to me every time I walk out the damn door. There is no benefit to meeting them so I try to dress down most days.
I know what happened to me. Since I stopped working as a waitress after I broke my foot, I don’t have an active lifestyle anymore. I used to be on my feet for 6 to 8 hours a day, running back and forth taking care of people and now I try to hide out in my room for most of the day avoiding my roommates because I don’t want to talk. Now that I am a freelance writer, I have no reason to leave the house except to buy groceries. It’s been 6 months since I broke my foot and now my jeans won’t fit. I have no clue how much I weigh because I never weigh myself. I usually just look in the mirror and think- You look perfect.
I really want to fit my jeans again so I decided to be inspired by my Facebook friends. I usually follow a bunch of my friends on Facebook who are living a healthy lifestyle and I love those posts because they share what they eat, how often they work out, and before and after pictures of their weight loss. I love them!
So today I hit my friend Marla up because she posts about her fitness goals the most. I asked her how to get started with walking, since I can’t imagine myself RUNNING for no damn reason. She said to simply- start walking and don’t think about it.
So I did.
I pulled on my sneakers and started walking. I put my headphones in and I walked to the beach and walked the path from one end to the next and then I walked up a couple flight of stairs and then I walked home and it all lasted an hour.
I was a little sweaty but that made me proud because I usually don’t do anything that requires me to sweat. I began to imagine doing other physical activities like rollerblading or bike riding. Maybe I could be one of those women who takes aerobics classes. I always thought those women were so classy!
My dream lifestyle is to wake up early, see my sons off to school, shower, go for a run, come back home, eat breakfast, write all day, go out for lunch, write some more, hang out with my sons when they get home and then write for the rest of the evening, maybe taking a break to eat dinner out.
Damn. I was in a daze just imagining all of that becoming a reality.
Well, it won’t happen unless I make it happen. Tonight I went to the grocery store because I was out of food and I had no idea what to buy to be healthy. I don’t cook so most of what I eat is cereal and ready to eat meats like warm and serve burgers and such.
But no- tonight I bought grapes, canned pineapples, turkey burgers, tuna fish, onions and of course CEREAL. I can’t deny myself cereal, it’s sooo good!
Why did the organic grapes cost more than the regular grapes? Weird. What should I eat to be more healthy? I have an idea based on watching other people and their healthy lifestyles but those ladies COOK and I don’t cook. I can’t even cook where I am because I have too many roommates and I am afraid to but actual food because they will take it like they bought it. With no problem.
But today, after I wake up, I’ll try it again. I’ll go for a walk on the beach. I feel good just thinking about it. We’ll see what happens or IF I keep it up!
