Te-Erika’s Diary: Why I Hate My Birthday

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So my birthday is tomorrow.

On my birthday, I usually wake up early to receive calls from my sons and my sister and my Mama and then I turn my phone off so I won’t have to hear those Happy Birthday texts from people roll in.

Why do I hate my birthday so much? I’ve thought about this question a lot but it wasn’t until I googled Why Do People Hate Their Birthday that I realized what the problem is. From reading all of those entries it is apparent that people who hate their birthdays are a bunch of whiny, self centered idiots who expect everyone to make a big deal out of their day and are disappointed and dramatic when no one does. They complain about how hard they work making everyone else feel special and no one returns the favor.

Reading those entries disgusted me and I realized that I am a little bit different from them. Why do I hate my birthday? I -don’t like celebrating myself. I find a simple peace and satisfaction in downplaying my accomplishments. I think it comes from being praised so much as a child by my peers and teachers. It seemed like my abilities were magic and everything that I did turned to gold so when I DO achieve something awesome, I shrug and think- That wasn’t even hard.

So when my birthday comes, I tend to roll my eyes and berate myself for not achieving the goals I have set even though every goal I have set in the past came to pass. Basically, I think I like feeling bad or beating myself up or I could praise myself more for the amazing things I have done. Maybe I feel that if I praised myself, I wouldn’t work to achieve more. Maybe I feel that with all of my magic and intelligence and resolve, I should be at a different level in life.

Whatever the reasons I have for hating my birthday, it all boils down to the same thing I’ve been telling people for years after I discovered my own self defeating attitude: People only feel as happy as they allow themselves to feel.

If you are not happy on your birthday, it is because you don’t WANT to be happy. It’s no one’s fault but yours.

On THIS birthday, I’m turning 34.  Yikes! That sounds like an ugly number. 33 was beautiful. On THIS birthday I am going out to dinner. I am going to buy myself a cute outfit and I am going to make a video for my web series.

Nothing too exciting. I would like some birthday sex but I don’t feel like putting in the effort for that so it may not happen.

I won’t be all thrilled on my birthday, but I’ll enjoy myself.

You will too, if you want to. If not, it’s your fault. No one holds the key to your happiness but you.

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