Yes, I know. Every woman wants to find her place in this world. We all want to walk into a place and feel like we belong, like we are appreciated and that we are welcomed. For most of us, we get to experience this at one point or another during our lives even if it only lasts a short while. For other women, this beautiful scenario eludes us, for good reason.
Think back to the times when everyone you met got along together for the most part. Was that maybe elementary school, maybe into middle school but not really beyond that. Why was this? During these years, everyone had a similar goal, to go to the next level in school and complete it.
As you got older and developed your own tastes and preferences your goals became more individualized. Some of you wanted to graduate and go to college. Some of you wanted to be the coolest girl at school. Some of you wanted all of the boys to like you while others wanted desperately to shine in a school activity.
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As your goals shifted, so did your social circle but you didn’t expect the computer club to ask you to sit with them when you were an actor. You didn’t expect to ride with the cheerleaders to the football game when you were with the student government. You accepted your role in your school according to the goals you chose for yourself and you were not unhappy with that.
As an adult, things are pretty much the same except it is more difficult to find others who are headed your way in life. There is no announcement for meeting people who want the same things you do in life. There is no specific dress code or automatic inclusion in activities. It is much more difficult to find a place where you feel that you belong but it is not impossible.
Yet, it feels impossible for the high achieving woman whose desires fly high above maintaining a lifestyle that the average person does. The high achieving woman becomes the misfit in social situations because she does not value the things that the common woman values like name brands, attention from random men and getting drunk or high.
The high achiever, the woman who will become one of My Savvy Sisters, has her bar set so high that few even dream of achieving her vision. She looks back over her past and wonder why none of the women she has met has moved forward in life. They all still yearn for the same things that she is not even interested in. She sees that they want a bigger butt/breasts, a husband to save them or a job to settle into. She wants none of those things yet she does yearn for the companionship of other women who have raised the bar for themselves. She wants encouragement and motivation and she is tired of being the chief motivator of those around her.
Have you ever looked back and wondered why you did not fit in anywhere you went? The truth is, you didn’t fit in because you were not headed in the same direction as those you thought you wanted to travel with. They may have looked cute sitting in their drop top with their sunglasses on, but their destination was shady. They may have invited you to ride along on their fun night on the town but their conversation would have annoyed and bored you to tears.
Why did your friends change? What happened to you? Do you feel as though maybe you took a wrong turn since it seems that your old friends are surrounded by love and laughter and you’re standing all alone?
You did not take a wrong turn, you just took a different turn and there may or may not be other women who are headed your way. You have to learn to be comfortable with that. You have to understand that not fitting in isn’t a punishment, it is an experience, one that will be short lived.
Think about all of those women you left by the wayside as you focused on your dream. Where are they now? Are they still milling about rehashing the same conversations over and over again? Are they working toward their own versions of success that do not align with yours?
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You don’t fit in because you haven’t achieved your version of success which will automatically place you among those women who have walked the path you are walking. Once you become a published author, you will meet more authors and your old friends who were too busy to read your books will not be as important. When you reach your fitness goals you will meet others who are on the same journey and those people who didn’t want to go out to dinner with you because you ate clean will seem inconsequential.
The greatest gift you can give yourself is the ability to walk this journey alone. This doesn’t mean that you are guaranteed to walk through life solo but it does offer you a cushion if it takes a while to find your dream and your tribe. It’s okay not to fit in. It’s okay to sit at the table by yourself. It’s okay to be the only one who believes in what you believe.
Walking alone has the added benefit of reinforcing exactly what is important to you. If you can still walk toward your dream when no one is applauding you, then you know you have truly defined your dream for yourself, which is so important.
Don’t try to fit in. Allow the women you meet to go their own way without judging if your way is worse or better. It’s neither. It’s your way, and that’s okay.
Go your own way. You’ll have a different and exciting story to share that no one will be able to match. Watch the other women and applaud them when you can but don’t stop and wonder why no one is going with you.
This is a great article. As I journey into a new chapter of my life I understand a little more after reading this. Thank you for this post.