I can count how many times I have been faithful in an intimate relationship: ZERO.
I recently caught up with an old “friend” of mine and quickly reminded myself that I had, in fact, cheated on my then boyfriend with him. I started to wonder why I did that, but what I realized is that I always do that.
I’m a cheater.
This is not something that I am proud or something that I talk about. I guess that makes me a “closet cheater.” I have a guy friend that used to always say, “You treat MEN, like MEN usually treat WOMEN. You are the ‘dude’ of the relationship!” And I knew exactly what he meant. I don’t always call when I say I will, I don’t always show up when I say I will, and well..I’m unfaithful when I want to be and don’t I care if I get caught.
After taking a closer look at myself, I have decided that I am not the woman that has confused sex with love, nor do I have a sexual addiction. I am a REVENGE cheater.
Every man that I have cheated on, has cheated on me first-that explains why I don’t care if I get caught. When I have been betrayed by a lover, my first thought is to make myself feel better and feeling better means feeling wanted.
For me, when I find out that my mate has been unfaithful, it always makes me question myself. Am I not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not smart enough? I always envision the “other woman” as a beautiful, single woman with a nice car! (And of course, I am usually wrong..ironically, most of my men cheat down, instead of up..)
I have never gone in search of a person to cheat with, as fate would have it, I usually “stumble” upon them in a moment of weakness. Sometimes, it’s a lover from the past, sometimes an acquaintance and sometimes a stranger. I do what I do, then throw the skeleton bones in the closet and hope to never open that door again. Yes, I am a cheater and I don’t plan to stop.
For My Savvy Sisters: Do you have something you need to confess and let go of? Submit your confession to confessions[at]mysavvysisters.com and we’ll post your confession anonymously. Don’t worry, we don’t judge and we will never tell.