Te-Erika’s Diary: The Woes of Breaking Out of the Poverty Mentality

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Last year I held a webinar on the 7 symptoms of a poverty mentality. In it I detailed 7 personality traits that you may have that are leading to your poverty lifestyle. I studied this extensively by simply watching the people around me, those who live in lack and are content that way. I also studied the biographies and lifestyles of the ridiculously successful. I listened to their interviews. I studied their writing. I read about the ups and downs in their lives and the quirky personality traits (often labeled mental illness) that led to their wealth and ascension.

So now what? After the studying comes the implementation of the traits I’ve learned. I stopped focusing on entertainment. I stopped being all googly eyed over getting married. I stopped hungering for social status and acceptance. Basically, I removed myself from many of the habits that I KNOW for a fact lead to a poverty lifestyle, yet, I am basically still in poverty.

I’m in my grind time. I am pulling out every trick and skill that I can think of to rise above the poverty situation that has hung over my life. I am not a worker. I am an entrepreneur. I am not a follower. I make my own way. The worst part about changing your mentality and distancing yourself from the poverty mentality is the fact that while you are the first of your family to do it and transformation hinges on you, your environment has not changed.

I am still surrounded by the types who think it is cool to get high everyday. I am still only meeting those who think it is fun to sit around and gossip about others. I am still only meeting those who sit on the couch and watch TV all day long. They collect a check from the government (or Sallie Mae) and they are grateful for it, not even taking a minute to brainstorm on how they can stop collecting the welfare and take care of themselves. I am still surrounded by those who have a fleeting business idea and then never act on it. I’m still meeting women whose only hope is for a husband so they can feel like they’ve “made it”. Love is not the end all be all. Damn, I wish there was more to talk about than that!

So now what am I supposed to do? I find myself wanting to lock myself in my room and not come out until after everyone else is asleep. What am I supposed to talk about with people? I don’t know how to be phony and make friends with people whose life philosophy I find disgusting?  How can I make friends with people whose highest hope is to get a “good job” when I’m trying to build my own empire?

I find myself wanting to cry most days. I don’t get it. Why do I have these desires, skill and drive AND I take action with the biggest risks possible and I am still sitting in the pits with those who have done absolutely nothing to change their lifestyles? If I push and pull, sweat and risk failure for my dreams, why do I still have the same results as those who do absolutely nothing?

They look at me and they are resentful. How dare she think she’s better than us when she lives with us? I don’t think I’m better than you are, but I do KNOW that this isn’t my final resting place. I have to hold back my tongue or just pretend I don’t see the complacency yet it makes me ill just watching it. Day in and day out it’s the same thing, television, munchies, cigarettes, crime shows. Television, munchies, cigarettes, crime shows. I am so tired. So annoyed. Maybe I’m afraid of giving up and joining them again. Maybe my soul is aching because I KNOW I’ve put in the work and here I am, still sitting here with the people who do nothing but wait for their government assistance.

I try my best not to judge them but it’s hard, especially when I judge myself so much. I don’t know how to meet people who are making strides in their careers, in fact, because of my disdain for meeting people with the poverty mentality, I don’t like meeting people at all anymore. I feel trapped. I don’t want to talk about how the next person is getting high everyday. I want to talk about marketing strategies and business development. I want someone I can learn something from, something more than the newest beer or flavor of weed.

Why do I feel guilty everyday because I do not want to speak to anyone around me?

While I really do have a belief that my skills will reward me one day, my heart aches right now because my physical environment in no way reflects my wealth building mentality. I feel wealthy and successful in my mind and I KNOW I have the skills to make it happen and I’m TRYING but there is no physical evidence of it anywhere.

It hurts.

I can’t connect with anyone around me because they connect with each other over gossip, television or getting high and drunk. I don’t want to do those things. I don’t want to witness it any longer.

I’m ready to move on.

And then you call me weird when I say I dream of becoming a recluse.

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One Response

  1. ann June 16, 2013

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