Good morning Te-Erika,
For the past 10 years I have been having an affair. I am separated from my husband, and want to continue my relationship with my friend however, for the past 8 months he has been involved in a distant relationship with a woman 30 years his junior in another country. At first I thought this would blow over but he is serious about her.
He has been sending me mixed messages about his feeling for me because he constantly tells me he loves me and we are still intimate. He even told me he would never let me go, that I would have to be the one to let go. Recently, he has become verbally abusive, not wanting to go places with me, and not doing the things he used to do for me. I want to move on but it is so hard. Please help.
I know it is difficult to recognize the end of any relationship when the person you are dealing with won’t admit the end is near. It is obvious your friend has romantic feelings for this other woman, which hurts even more because now your feelings and needs are taking a backburner to hers.
You say you want to get over this so this is what you have to do. Instead of sulking, you have to work on you. I am not saying you aren’t good enough right now, but it is time to upgrade your life in some way. When you take the focus off of what someone else is doing and waiting for them to treat you the way you want to be treated and you work on making yourself more valuable in your own eyes, you open up the pathway to meeting someone who does value who you are. Choose an activity or a new career option or side hustle that will jumpstart your financial independence and allow you to network with new people.
I know what it is like to yearn for the familiar especially when the sex was good, but the reality is, relationships are like escalators, you can ride with one person only so far before you reach your landing and that other person may not want to go to the next floor with you.
This relationship is transitioning because it is time. This isn’t the end of your story or your last chance at love. This is a new chapter of your life and you can’t sit idly by hoping that the page won’t turn. It has.
The only thing you can do now is cry, masturbate to the memories, go out and have a fling of your own and don’t take it too seriously. The person who is supposed to take that next ride up the escalator with you will not meet you if you are running backwards on this one.
You can do this. Move forward. Upgrade yourself. I’m being serious. This is not the end of your story unless you want it to be.
I’m sorry this happened, but this is a trigger for the next phase of your life.
All my best!