[box] Te-Erika, I have a huge problem. I am 22yrs old and I am very lonely. I do believe, it is only right to take a good hard look at myself. I do a lot of self reflection, and I have recently came to the conclusion that it is impossible for me to make good friends or even associates. I believe that its not because I do anything but because of the way that I am perceived. I’m nice, bubbly, supportive, happy, ambitious and also a god fearing woman. Im not loud, I dont start trouble and I love inner peace. I have a boyfriend of a year and 5 months, but I cant seem to click with the women in his family. They just don’t like me, for some odd reason, I didn’t do anything wrong and I’m a good girlfriend.
I just recently lost a good job that I loved as a waitress. The other staff, meaning majority, just singled me out a lot. They would boss me around, single me out, blame me for their own mistakes. I would always get in trouble, when I was the one who worked so hard. The manager and owner pulled me aside and said that it seems like I am indifferent. That it seemed that I’m not doing my job. Mind you, I was always on time or early for work, never called out, and everyone made me do their work. So I had to quit because I couldn’t take the bullying anymore.
I used to be such great associates with a neighbor and her daughter. There is a group of older men, that whistle or say nasty things towards me and I don’t speak or just don’t even acknowledge them. One guy always follows me home and I always tell him to leave me alone because I have a boyfriend but he keeps bothering me. My neighbor and her daughter are always around these men now. I try to say hi to them, they just ignore me. I think what did those men say them to make them not want to talk to me?
It’s always been like this for me. Every job that I’ve had they single me out. Or whenever I make female friends, they diss me. It couldn’t be jealousy because I don’t really have anything to be jealous of. My life isnt bad but I have finacial issues just like anyone else. So that’s why I believe it could be the way people perceive me. Te-Erika, what do you think I should do and how do you think I should handle this. ~ Ms. P[/box]
Hey Ms. P,
So let me recap your story. You mentioned that you meet people and they automatically dislike you, bully you and degrade you. You don’t know why people pick on you because you don’t treat anyone badly at all. You’re wondering what you can do about it.
Well, the first thing that comes to mind is understanding why people bully others. Bullies behave that way because they can. Bullies only bully those when they can get away with it. Why do they believe they can get away with it with you in particular? It’s simple. You give them the impression that you really care about what they think of you. You probably are the type of woman who really, really wants acceptance and approval from others. Women like that are rarely respected.
You feel as though people in your boyfriend’s family and people at your job don’t respect you and they single you out. Well, it is probably true. They do that because they know if they press your button, you will react. You have allowed them to have complete power over you and they think you are weak and they do not respect you.
How do you gain your respect back and move forward in life? You have to be willing to ruffle some feathers and not be so nice all of the time. Curse someone out and really mean it, but only if they are rude to you. Be willing to like what you like and dislike what you like and to hell with anyone who doesn’t like it.
Fuck them if they don’t like you. You are only there to add happiness to your boyfriend’s life and your customer’s lives, everyone else can kiss your ass. Be willing to be disliked and even hated. Stand up for yourself. Ignore all future rude behaviors. Don’t retaliate. Don’t kiss up. Say to yourself, “They hate me because they ain’t me!” Don’t try to include yourself when they have gatherings just to win their approval. Be willing to be alone and have no friends for the rest of your life.
When you are willing to lose, you actually gain. You gain the respect of others because they see that you won’t compromise to please them. No one likes a person without an opinion or a backbone. No one want to be around a pleaser all of the time.
Now remember. All you have to do is say- Fuck what they think. I can be my own best friend. There is nothing wrong with your life right now. You only think there is a problem because people who were not meant to be a permanent part of it are ignoring you and mistreating you. Fuck them.
And Ms. P, please, never, ever quit another job because of your co workers. At least try to get fired so you can collect unemployment. Don’t let them impact your ability to support yourself financially ever again.