Creative Compulsive Disorder & Remembering Zina Nicole Lahr from Stormy Pyeatte on Vimeo.
Take a look at this video. This is a woman by the name of Zina Nicole Lahr and she is amazing.
When I first saw this video, I watched it with a mixture of envy and fascination. I was fascinated by her personality and child-like way of viewing the world. I was envious that I lost that so long ago and I know I will never get it back.
Why?
Because I have to be a grown up. I have to stop playing and start teaching and live up to these expectations of how an adult should behave. I can’t be myself. I can’t ask questions because I am curious or invite a stranger to play with me. I can’t do what I love to do every single day because if I do I may end up homeless.
Isn’t that the biggest fear of any adult?
How was she able to break free from the expectations that she grow up? She must have rich parents. She must be privileged. Or maybe she is mentally challenged and she does not understand that you can not be like that in this world. You are not allowed to be free like she is. Who does she think she is?
The anger I feel because of her freedom is a direct reflection of the anger I feel because of my self-imposed imprisonment. It turns out that Zina was not rich. In fact, she wandered from city to city creating income from creative projects and sleeping on random couches when she was not living at home with her family. She attended festivals, made fast friends with strangers and explored her creative side every chance she got, often attracting the admiration of those she encountered. They admired her for the same reasons that made me envious of her.
She was free in all the ways I wish I could be.
What happened to Zina?
No one knows exactly. One day she left her grandmother’s house to run an errand and never came back. Yes, this beautiful free spirit is no longer with us on this realm. She went home before she turned 30 years old.
In an article I read about her she was quoted as saying that she did not understand why she was limited by the human body. She found it cumbersome. After reading this I really understood that she was allowed to be free, well, she allowed herself to be free because, she understood who she was.
Yes, she was Zina Lahr, but she was and is more than that in the larger scheme of things. She is an infinite being who chose to be a part of this physical existence and while she was here, she played. She played and had fun and lived her life with meaning, creating rich experiences along the way.
And then she died.
I would say she lived a full life. She probably understood that the trappings of wealth and societal expectations are stupid. That is not what life is about. She was content to have a couch and an adventure. She was brave enough to live her adventure without asking for approval or permission. She shared many of her intimate thoughts about life on her blog, Normally Odd. This leads me to believe that she too understood that her existence and presence was often seen as the road less traveled.
I am glad she came here. I believe she came to teach us that life is a dream and we should all play, whatever that happens to mean.
She is definitely one of My Savvy Sisters, a woman who defines herself for herself.
Thanks for sharing this luminous soul with us. I’ve been on path for some time now to reclaim my true Self and live per the best of my own drum. Zina Nicole Lahr shows me how exquisitely beautiful it is. I’m inspired!