I have asked myself this question countless times? At first I figured there was something wrong with me so I made it my personal quest to fix myself by delving into personal development and studying philosophy and psychology. While I enjoyed every minute of my studies, in the end I came up with an answer that shocked me; there is nothing wrong with me.
I am single because I choose to be. Sometimes I think I’d like to have a partner but I realize that this desire was born out of frustration from having to figure things out alone and to support myself alone. I didn’t really want a romantic partner, or I could have had one. I was really looking for a sponsor and a business partner. Turning myself into a brand name and owning my own business was my main goal and I only fantasized about a companion who could help me attain those goals.
After writing my first self help book, It’s Not A Sin To Be Single, and really looking at myself backwards and forwards, upside and down, I realized that I am not really unhappy with stumbling through the world alone. I think I was pressuring myself to meet that ideal life marker because I was faltering in every other area. I simply wanted to prove to myself that I could do SOMETHING right. I guess romantic love wasn’t a good gauge.
I have been single for 9 years and I am weirdly proud of this accomplishment. To me this means that I have not settled for anything less than I deserve and I can’t remember the last time I cried over a partner. I am not sitting up at night wondering if someone loves me for real and I am not waiting for a rescuer anymore.
I am FREE.
Free to love myself the way I always wished I had been loved by someone else. I still have desires and urges but I am very creative and I take care of them just like anyone else. I no longer pressure myself to find true love because it’s not something that you can pressure yourself into.
I cringe at the thought of years I wasted badgering myself and condemning myself because I had not met the ONE. The ONE is in everyone, if I weren’t so caught up in my ideal. I can be loved a thousand ways and I have been. My mistake was in putting love into a box and not accepting it in the countless ways it had been offered.
I caution you, dear reader, with your face scrunched up as you read my words. I caution you to relax and allow yourself to enjoy this time in your life. You never know what is around the corner and you’ll have wasted years being angry instead of enjoying this season. No season of your life is permanent and no season is without a good cause.
You are single for a reason or no reason at all. Allow yourself the freedom to seek, learn and grow.
This week I am featuring women who are making the most out of their single life. Some of them yearn for love while others are adamantly against it, but in every way, they love who they are and they wouldn’t change anything about themselves.
In all sincerity,