Oh. I can see you smirking, just anticipating another ‘I’m happy I’m single’ post from yet another woman who is above the idea of being needy and wanting a man.
Well, the truth is, that’s the truth. If I’m a cliche’ so be it.
I had a fabulous Valentine’s Day! I woke up early around 2am to polish up and finish editing my stories for the week. By the time I was done, I emailed them to my editor and the pressure from my brain just lifted and I stood up, legs still sore, and declared that today would be an awesome Valentine’s Day.
And so it was.
I took a shower, pulled on my tights, shorts, sports bra and tank top. I made a bowl of oatmeal and added some frozen grapes to give it some sweetness and gobbled it up, fuel for my early morning work out.
By the time I reached the gym, it was just turning 7am so I decided to forego my usual strength training and elliptical time for a leisurely swim, well, sort of, I’m still in the middle of my swim lessons.
But I kicked the hell out of my legs as I held the kickboard and did laps back and forth, back and forth in the 4 foot training pool at the Y. My legs were sore when I was done and I settled down in the sauna for 10 minutes to close my eyes and let go of the pressure of the week.
Once I was done, a quick rinse and I was dressed again, running up the stairs to the cycling room to grab a bike before it filled up with spandex clad fit chicks and dudes looking for a good sweat.
And sweat we did, a whole bunch. My crotch was wet and I reminded myself to never wear light colored tights to the gym again. 55 minutes later as we stretched and finally hopped off of our bikes, I inhaled and smiled to myself. I did it again. I’m being so good to myself. I’m working out EVERY day, pretty soon I’ll see results. Any day now I’ll be one of those fit chicks who can spin super fast and whose arms are cut from lifting heavy. That’s gonna be ME. I’m gonna be super fine. Any time now. Any minute. I just have to keep showing up.
As I stared at myself in the mirror, I thought to myself- Damn you look fine. I don’t see how you’re single, but hey, it happens.
Then off I went back to the locker room to throw on a pair of shorts and take the train back from Hollywood to Mid-Wilshire where I live. By the time I got home I was hyped, with a weekly metro pass, or TAP card, you can go anywhere! I could easily jet down to Long Beach for Happy Hour at KDB or even go to Venice for a walk on the beach. I haven’t been to Santa Monica Pier yet, maybe I can go over there.
I decided that today would be a big time monster chocolate day where I would allow myself to have any type of chocolate that I wanted. Too bad my heart couldn’t take it as I stood in front of the cookie aisle and picked up a box of Chips Ahoy. My hands started shaking and I dropped the box just thinking about how many calories were in there.
I’m fucking conditioned about these calories man. I judge people everywhere I go. I see a big chick on the train, with two stomachs hanging down, slurping a GIANT cup of Starbucks Frappuccino and I want to slap it out of her hand and tell her she needs to stop that shit because that drink is equal to eating two meals.
But anyway- today I’m not worrying about calories, today is all about pleasure. So I get dressed and wear a very casual outfit, for comfort not cuteness. But damn if I don’t look nice in my skinny jeans, boots and halter top with my staple jean jacket thrown over it. If I were with me, which I was, I’d think I was pretty cute.
I decide to go to the movies at LA LIVE and I see About Last Night with Kevin Hart. Um. I guess I laughed. But it was nothing like when I went to see the Best Man 2. The best part of the movie was recognizing the different places they shot the movie around LA. They even showed the place where I was actually sitting and watching the movie. For some reason, as I watched the scenes of LA, for the first time this felt like home to me.
I thought to myself, “Look at my city.” Then I caught myself because I’m not staying here. I’m just passing through. I walked away from that movie thinking- Damn, I’m glad I’m single. That bullshit people go through to be in a relationship isn’t worth it. It’s too much compromise. And it looks boring as hell.
Anyway- 1350 calories later- yes, I had nachos. I wasn’t going to deprive myself of the movie experience but damn- 1350 calories for some damn nachos and cheese? That’s almost an entire day’s allotment for meals! In one sitting! Now you see why people are overweight! They don’t understand how much damage one snack can do if you are not actively burning calories every day.
Anyway- I bought a pack of 6 oreos, devoured those too, savoring the flavor. I hadn’t eaten those in so damn long because I’ve been careful not to go over my daily calorie limit.
Oh, instead of taking the Blue line from Pico Station to the 7th street station, I just walked and talked to my son as I did. I found myself standing in front of the very building I lived in for 2 weeks when I first moved to LA. I stood there, taking in the scenery, wondering about the girl I lived with and if she is okay. I don’t care enough to actually call her or anything, but I do hope she’s okay. She was cool, just not honest enough to be my friend long term.
Anyway- before I hit the train back to MacArthur Park where I live, I stopped by Rite Aid to pick up a bottle of wine and a package of Twix, yes, more CHOCOLATE. Remember, it’s say YES to chocolate day.
As I headed for the train with my brown bag in hand, a lady asked for some change and I shook my head and she said, “I see you with that bottle of wine!” I laughed. I felt like a wino but oh well.
I came home, smiling all the way, just thinking about how beautiful the day was going and wondering if anything could happen to make me happier than I am right now. Today was so peaceful with no drama and no tears and no wondering if someone was going to make my day special. I made my own day special.
When I got here I went into the kitchen, pulled out the blender and added fresh pineapple I had waiting for me, some frozen strawberries and 2 cups of wine. I made a nice ass smoothie that I am sipping on right now and I am feeling LOVELY.
I haven’t had a real drink since I stopped smoking because it’s not as much fun drinking when you don’t smoke. They just go so well together. But tonight I’ll try it and see how it goes. I just logged all of today’s calories into MyfitnessPal and saw that I went over by 1300 fucking calories! You know what that was? Yes, the damn nachos. But oh well, one horrible day doesn’t stop the show. I’ll finish up these last few paragraphs, take a shower, climb into bed again and drink until I fall asleep. When I wake up, it’ll be time to go to the gym again and start all over. ~smiling~
I had a beautiful Valentine’s Day. I feel loved- even if it is only by me. Shit- I think I love myself very well, better than anyone else. And I’m proud of that.
Even if it is a bit cliche’.
