REBUILD: Moving Out of The Homeless Shelter

“A big demonstration is usually preceded by tormenting thoughts.” ~ Florence Scovel Shinn

This quote had been popping up in my head over the last week or so. I guess it was my intuition telling me to hold on because things would soon change as I had become extremely depressed and paranoid and hopeless about my homeless situation.

Things changed. Just yesterday I packed up my bag and moved out of the homeless shelter.

After four months of living in an old renovated motel with strangers moving in and out and fighting and falling in love and sitting in flies and mosquitoes and sleeping on a mat on the patio floor, I am now free.

I posted an ad on the internet advertising myself for a roommate. I really wanted my own home but the reality is, while I can afford it, it’s not the best choice for me right now. The first person to answer my ad was a woman named Cynthia. We spoke over the phone and she invited me over to meet her husband. They have a 4 bedroom house that is located very close to my job at Denny’s.

I went to meet with them before my graveyard shift and it was amazing how much she reminded me of me. She’s Puerto Rican, he’s white. They are 29 years old and are married. They live the life of the law of attraction and are both artists. I immediately felt that this was a situation that I could be happy with.

In fact, I come out on top because with the amount that I pay them for my rent, which includes all utilities, internet and everything, I will have money left over to save for another car. I am so grateful.

Leaving the shelter was bittersweet. After living with so many people for 4 months, although at times I hated the mere THOUGHT of being there, there were some people that I had come to love.

But I’m good at closing chapters of my life. I move on, knowing that just because an experience ended, doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing.

I’m changing my phone number tomorrow. I changed it just before I started this project 4 months ago and now it’s time to do it again. A phone number change does the weeding out for me and I get to start fresh again.

“Now you get to buy all new clothes,” my sister commented.

I paused before saying, “For what? I don’t go anywhere.”

I have no clothes to go out and party or socialize but then again I’m not a social person. I have a few t-shirts and some jogging pants and a couple of shorts. Why would I need more than that? I don’t have friends that I hang out with and I don’t perform spoken word anymore. All I do is serve tables at Denny’s. I guess I can buy myself a new pair of pants for work and some new earrings. Other than that, I don’t see myself going out anywhere.

Well, actually, I hoped that I would continue seeing the older man that I wrote about before- the one who makes my soul happy. Well, that has fizzled out- as usual. It’s not like I am the one who lost interest THIS TIME, he actually is way too busy for me. I am not sure exactly what he does when he is not working but I think he’s involved in so many community activities that he doesn’t really have the time or interest to call to get to know me and spend time with me.

Oh well. I still have the good feeling I feel when I think of him. I can hold on to that whenever I need a boost. He taught me what it’s like to spend time with a man who doesn’t want to sleep with me immediately. He would always say, “I believe in you.” I appreciate that.

My new room is just the right size and temperature. Before I even unpacked my housemate Cynthia took me to the store to buy new bed linens and I picked out a comforter set in warm colors, just the way I like it. I feel like a princess. I even bought a new night dress that makes me feel sexy and grown up, just like I wanted to feel.

My new housemates are cool, or so they seem. We talked about my need for privacy and personal space and how I hate social obligations. They talked about not wanting to be woken up late at night with loud music and simple courtesy between humans. I think we agree on most things and I do look forward to getting to know them better.

I just woke up from my morning nap after my overnight shift. I’ll probably take another nap before work tonight and then I’m off for 4 days. Wow. What will I do with myself? Probably, create another life changing project or something. ~smile~

Oooh wee! I can’t WAIT to focus on MySavvySisters again. I’m going to go overboard in creating content and reaching out to awesome women so they can share the secrets to their success with us. I look forward to seeing my sons and sleeping in the bed with them again.

My older son turns 11 tomorrow. I can’t believe it. I had just turned 21 when I gave birth to him and for the longest he was my lil partner and we spent all of our time together. Then along came his brother and it was just the 3 of us for a while. After they went to stay with their dad I was on my own again. I’m only lonely when I’m surrounded by people and I can’t talk to them because they won’t understand me so loneliness isn’t a big issue in my life right now.

I’m in my bed.

My own bed.

I need a TV but I won’t make it an issue until I save enough for a car. I won’t buy clothes until I figure out what I will need nice clothes for and then I’ll have to re invent my look because I am a different person now.

Who knows what I’ll rebuild my life into next. I have those things that are most important- a quiet space to be creative, my health and a job that I absolutely love.

Mmmm. Something smells good in the kitchen. I’ll go and see if they’ll share their food with me. I don’t have a car and there’s no grocery store around here or places to buy food so I’ll have to figure out how to feed myself when I’m not working since I don’t cook. Uh oh. My intuition just suggested Ramen noodles. ~sigh~ If I have to, I will.

I feel good.

I can’t believe this is finally over.

I’m at peace right now.

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