We’re not teenagers anymore. We don’t fall in love based on how cute he is or what promises he makes. We don’t fall in love with his potential or how cute the kids might look. We don’t fantasize about a lifestyle that a man has yet to prove he can provide.
This is not about finding a man to take care of you; you are one of My Savvy Sisters, you can easily feed and pamper yourself. You’ve worked hard to be able to establish yourself, at least keep company with men who have done the same so you can share secrets to success and support each other in your growth. You shouldn’t be the only person offering resources and wisdom. Please don’t be bamboozled into caring for a grown up child. If you have children, you don’t need another one to take care of just for the sake of companionship.
You must never date a man who has not proven that he can care for himself. That is not respectable and it is truly disgusting. You’re worth more than that. Some women have no problem going dutch on dates, but you should. If he can’t provide a simple meal for the woman who is sharing her mental and physical time with him then he has a lot of work to do on himself in the areas of etiquette, personal pride and self care and he should not be focused on a relationship. If you truly care for him, tell him to work on himself and give him the space to do that without having to lead the way.
At no point should you:
- Believe the sad sob stories of his childhood which he uses as an excuse for why he is unable to provide for himself.
- Believe that if you are the one person who supports him then he will eventually get himself together. You are not his savior. Stop trying to be.
- Equate sexual pleasure with love. In fact, you shouldn’t even be sleeping with a broke man at all. He doesn’t deserve the cookie if he can’t feed you. He doesn’t deserve to touch you if he can’t teach you how to prosper.
Raise your standards and learn how to masturbate. Have fun with men, flirt, laugh, accept invitations to go out but never, EVER try to save them. They’ll respect you more for giving them the space to learn on their own and if they don’t, there are plenty of desperate women out there who would love to take care of them. It won’t be you.
Omg I looooove this article. So articulate and exactly what many of us women needed to read. This served as a swift kick in the pants for me. Thank you so much, sister! I have saved and printed this as a daily reminder.
Hi my name is Jive (a male) responding to your article “THE UNFORGIVEABLE SIN: DATING A BROKE MAN”
I agree with you regarding one should not date someone that is unable to take care of themselves. While I was reading your article I decided to change wording around addressing dating a broke women and feel that everything you mentioned about men in your article should go for women as well. I feel that some women may disagree and believe that a man should take care of them, pay for every date, or even worst support them. Some women may even argue that it’s tradition for men to pay for their dates, but traditions have certainly change, this is no longer the 1950’s anymore. Some women love to force men into traditional gender roles when it’s convenient for them, but hate when they get forced into traditional gender roles in their careers, jobs, pay, home, and other aspects of their lives, what hypocrisy.
my take on this its not fair for neither both parties to fully rely on one another for financial support mainly yessss but as much as men and woman might want 50/50 (when its suits them) its not going to happen, eg no man endures pregnancy , labour pains lets alone pregnancy leave to take care of any baby for the period of three months yet in the 1950b the initial plan for woman was to bore children. point is its still a man world so speaking 50/50 is still not entirely realistic but possible it just needs work on another level.
The corollary is that a guy should never date a fat or old girl. If a girl will dump a guy when he doesn’t have money, a guy is very justified in dumping a girl when her looks start to fade. If you want to treat dating like a market value exchange, money = a guy’s value, and looks = a girl’s value, and when you get old, your value is gone.
goodness my mothers dating a loser fresh out, not judging him for getting caught up but because he was a drug dealing bum who could never establish himself before he went in. Then he lost time in prison and obviously does not know much about like life. I have a minor brother and sister still in the house and I honestly am losing sleep. My mom is smart, successful and blessed so I have the courage to pray, I have just seen so many movies and shows where a shadowy bum guy moves in and ruins everything. In the few months he’s been out my mom has gotten 2 first tattoos of his name, married him and sabotaged her business in a few other seemingly disassociated ways. And believe it or not there is not 1 single “reasons to successful women should not date bums” on googles search list. Getting to this has been the closest relative article.( even reasons GUYS should not date bum girls came up). Soo anyway I wanted to share and say thanks! I think ill be printing this for my mom!
This article says it all.