We’re not teenagers anymore. We don’t fall in love based on how cute he is or what promises he makes. We don’t fall in love with his potential or how cute the kids might look. We don’t fantasize about a lifestyle that a man has yet to prove he can provide.
This is not about finding a man to take care of you; you are one of My Savvy Sisters, you can easily feed and pamper yourself. You’ve worked hard to be able to establish yourself, at least keep company with men who have done the same so you can share secrets to success and support each other in your growth. You shouldn’t be the only person offering resources and wisdom. Please don’t be bamboozled into caring for a grown up child. If you have children, you don’t need another one to take care of just for the sake of companionship.
You must never date a man who has not proven that he can care for himself. That is not respectable and it is truly disgusting. You’re worth more than that. Some women have no problem going dutch on dates, but you should. If he can’t provide a simple meal for the woman who is sharing her mental and physical time with him then he has a lot of work to do on himself in the areas of etiquette, personal pride and self care and he should not be focused on a relationship. If you truly care for him, tell him to work on himself and give him the space to do that without having to lead the way.
At no point should you:
- Believe the sad sob stories of his childhood which he uses as an excuse for why he is unable to provide for himself.
- Believe that if you are the one person who supports him then he will eventually get himself together. You are not his savior. Stop trying to be.
- Equate sexual pleasure with love. In fact, you shouldn’t even be sleeping with a broke man at all. He doesn’t deserve the cookie if he can’t feed you. He doesn’t deserve to touch you if he can’t teach you how to prosper.
Raise your standards and learn how to masturbate. Have fun with men, flirt, laugh, accept invitations to go out but never, EVER try to save them. They’ll respect you more for giving them the space to learn on their own and if they don’t, there are plenty of desperate women out there who would love to take care of them. It won’t be you.