I receive so many letters from women who tell me that the only thing holding them back from trying to go after their dream is the fact that they are afraid of the result. They are afraid to fail. They are afraid to win. They are afraid that they aren’t capable of achieving the heights that they have seen others achieve.
Some women are afraid of being abused so they won’t enter into a relationship. Other women are afraid of not being a good mother so they won’t have children. These types of thoughts and expectations hold us back from living an active and healthy life.
Today I want to share a story about the last time I surrendered to my fear and received the biggest surprise I could ever hope for.
For the longest I was in an emotionally abusive relationship where I would cry my eyes out at the words this man spoke to me. He called me a loser, he called me worthless. He said I would never amount to anything. I believed him. I drowned myself in his words as though he was God and I wanted so much to gain his approval.
Years after that relationship ended, I found myself waking up to my truth. I am valuable. I am extremely brilliant. I am an achiever. I am a leader. I am, in fact, none of those things he said about me. I became upset by the fact that I once believed him and then went on to berate myself for being so stupid, continuing the abuse by abusing myself.
I would never allow myself to become emotionally attached to a man because I felt that if he got to know me, he would repeat the same words that my ex had said to me. I used men for sex-only and after that I created some type of drama to push him away.
Recently I met a man that I was physically attracted to. He was different because from the very beginning he told me that he was dominant and that I would have to allow him to have his way with me when I was around him. I did a quick SWERVE at the thought.
There was no way I would allow any man to have control over me because that would mean that he would have the power to hurt me. Isn’t that what men loved to do?
For some reason, maybe it was my intuition, I decided to surrender to my fear instead of running from it. I dove head first into the experience, bucking wildly against my innate warning system that screamed- He’s a MAN, RUN!
I went to him and our play session of dominance and submission played out. When he asked me to do so- I kneeled before him as though he was a King. I followed his instructions to the best of my ability; 5 minute shower, bend over, wash the dishes, sit right here, stand like this. He barked orders at me, saying the most cruel things and even spanking me for not following the instructions correctly.
Instead of feeling humiliated and degraded I felt- THRILLED.
There is something inside of me that secretly craved what I feared most. Maybe this is why I attracted men who wanted to tell me what to do and how to do it, I secretly liked it- to an extent.
In realizing that I actually enjoyed releasing myself to the dominance of a man, I found myself empowered by my choice to do so. The harsh words no longer stung me since I had invited them into my life. The thought that I was powerless fled because I knew I had ALL power since my submission to him was given willfully.
I called this man MASTER and allowed him to treat me as he pleased and I loved every second of being his little servant.
How can this be empowering? I was confused by my ability to surrender. What did this mean?
The truth is, when you WILLINGLY face a fear head-on you rob it of its power because you have CREATED the situation instead of powerlessly allowing it to happen to you. You own whatever happens. You can’t play the victim. You have made the choice to face it so you can direct it to play out any way you want it to because you arranged it so you OWN IT. No matter what the results are you know you did it to yourself and for yourself and no matter what happens- it WILL NOT BREAK YOU.
If your fear is losing a game of dice, THROW THE DAMN DICE— YOU OWN THE RESULTS.
If your fear is falling to pieces as you face your Ex, ARRANGE A MEETING- YOU OWN THE RESULTS.
If your fear is falling in love- ASK SOMEONE OUT ON A DATE- YOU OWN THE RESULTS.
If your fear is asking for a raise- PUT IN A REQUEST FOR A MEETING WITH YOUR BOSS- YOU OWN THE RESULTS.
If your fear is sending your children to public school- FILE THE PAPERWORK- YOU OWN THE RESULTS.
As long as you are facing your fear, understanding that you CAN NOT LOSE regardless of what the outcome appears to be- YOU OWN THE SITUATION.
On the other side of your fear is a door that you will walk through. There you will find that once you cross the threshold of that fear, you will NEVER FEAR IT AGAIN.
You conquer your fear by your surrender to it.
You OWN the results by placing your foot across the line in the sand, knowing you willingly decided that it is your time to push past this imaginary threat.
You may find delight.
You may find tears.
You may experience loss.
You may experience bliss.
Whatever the case, whatever light blinds you as you move forward- please know- NOTHING WILL BREAK YOU.
Surrender to your fear.
Push yourself into it. Cry while you’re doing it. Get it over with and do it again and again.
Soon you’ll find that you have a series of conquered fears behind you and then, my fair lady, you will know that you are invincible.