Ok so ever since I’ve been doing my 28 Day Sugar Detox which started around the time I’ve been talking to an old high school friend named Travis, I’ve really been yearning for pleasure. I now realize that my sweet treats used to fill in the gaps for me being away from any type of love I have, living with a rotating slew of strangers and still adjusting to life in a new city.
Because of all of these new experiences I’ve been in kind of a shock lately. My friend Travis is cute, sweet and very sexy and we often exchange heated X rated conversations and Skype sessions knowing good and well we aren’t going to see each other anytime soon because he lives in Georgia and is just as financially strapped as I am. He’s my friend and I feel safe with him. His presence cuts the tension of my loneliness in half and I do appreciate his attention and compliments.
Because of my Sugar Detox, I now crave the feeling of pleasure which I used to get from eating my favorite sweets. No more sweets, no more pleasure.
My kids were a source of pleasure but once they left to go back home to their Dad, it made me realize how much I really want a companion. Now I don’t have anything in my life that gives me pleasure on a physical level. No lovers, no hugs, no nothing.
I sit in the house all day reading the news and creating articles and continuing to brand myself online. Work is fun. I love being a writer from home and I am definitely grateful for it every day it’s just- I need something for ME. I give and I give to women (and men) online all the time who reach out to me for guidance, wisdom and help.
So I started by throwing all caution to the wind and setting up a profile on Plenty of Fish. Those guys were ugly. I had to delete my account after 3 days.
Then I went to a new site called ArrangementFinders. This is a site where established men can find women they can spend money on and date for companionship. Hell yeah- I’m interested in that! I mean, if I haven’t met anyone in the past 11 years who I connect with on an emotional and intellectual level, I may as well find someone who is intelligent, well versed in business and understands that financial and physical support are important too!
I’ve been on Tagged for EVER and I usually chat with the men I meet on there but I met one in person and he was not as attractive as his pictures so I lost interest.
Then I sifted through the ads on Craigslist. Now, I love Craigslist because there are such a wide variety of men on that site. I’ve emailed with business owners, blue collar workers, so many people with so many different fetishes and I love not knowing what I am going to get. Plus, I try to be open minded about the different things that they say they have to offer while getting what I want in the process.
Can you believe NONE of these sites helped me to get ONE SINGLE DATE? I’ll settle for a hook up if need be, I mean, a woman has needs. But alas, when I respond to ads, I get no reply back. Maybe my pictures aren’t sexy enough.
I even went as far as walking up to this guy I thought was super hot and giving him my phone number. He never called. What’s crazy is, when I am annoyed with men, they’re all over me. Now that I want attention- NADA!
Today I decided to give up on dating. I’ve been trying too hard and I know that when I try hard for things, they don’t happen. I just feel so much pressure to GET MYSELF SOME REGULAR SEX, which I haven’t had in 11 years. I think playing around with Travis online is making me want a real life companion, someone who thinks I am sexy, smart and tells me sweet things like he does.
So I guess instead of replying to Craigslist ads and asking out strangers, I’m going to just relax and go through this fucking down time with my teeth clinched.
I really need to have sex.
I really want to be told I’m beautiful.
I really want to meet someone to spend time with who thinks I am amazing.
I’d like this person to be someone I can learn from, who is already established and financially independent.
I’d also like this person to be so into ME that I blow their mind and they can’t stop thinking of me and wanting to be with me and support me in my goals.
I want to meet a person with a good heart who would never want to hurt me and I want to be able to believe this when it happens.
I guess I’m ready for something more than just a fling which I am used to. 11 years of one night stands was fun, but it’s getting old by now.
No, I’m not even trying to be married because that is way too much. I just want a human connection in the physical to remind me that I am alive and I am indeed, one hot chick.
I’ll relax and focus on more work, I guess. That’s all I can do anyway.