Even the father of my children, I wasn’t attracted to him initially. It took a while but I felt the need to be his first love. No other woman in his life had ever loved him or was willing to be his girlfriend. I was his first girlfriend.
I realized this pattern recently as I was annoyed by my most recent lover. He does not have his life together and I was frustrated with him. He’s great in bed, but his past relationships all prove one thing- he’s looking for a woman to take care of him. I do not want to take care of a man or to be his motivator and instructor all of the time.
But then again- I guess I do because I always choose the ones who need motivating, or at least the ones who I feel need a dose of love. In fact, if a man is too handsome or too successful, I figure that he can find someone wonderful and he doesn’t need me in his life.
Am I a healer in some way? Co dependent maybe?
I am not sure but something has to change. I don’t want to rescue a man again and show him the love I believe he should experience. I want someone good, someone who is not a fixer upper.
But then again- I don’t even notice those types of guys. My eyes are drawn to the forlorn, the lost, the sad.
That seems to be my type.