ADVICE: Why Is My Mom Upset That My Boyfriend’s Family Helps Us?

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[box] Hi Te-Erika, Why is my Mom so not supportive when my boyfriend’s family does right by us just as much if not more than her? She always gets super jealous. I would think she would be happy for us. T.D.[/box]

 

Hey T.D.,

Thanks for writing.  There’s a little more than jealousy going on here.  I can predict that you and your Mom have a really close relationship. Before you met your boyfriend she may have been the closest person in your life or at least one of the top 3. Your Mom has probably played the role of savior and she felt honored in that role.

Now that you have a boyfriend who cares for you, you don’t need her as much. And to top it off your boyfriend has parents who also care for you. This is creating some angst in your mother’s life because she is feeling like she is not needed even more than before.

Does your Mom have a husband or boyfriend or anyone else she cares for? If not, she is probably wondering about her worth. Unfortunately parents, especially Moms equate their worth with their role as caretakers of their children and she may be doing just that, feeling diminished because you are so well cared for. It’s not that she wishes you were doing poorly, she just felt appreciated and special that she could care for your every need and now that is no longer necessary. It translates into jealousy but it’s not really. It’s frustration over your changing relationship and her inability to redefine her own worth outside of being your Mom.

 

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