By Te-Erika Patterson
It can be confusing to admit to yourself that you are in an abusive relationship. You may be thinking that you deserve the treatment and if you could just be better it would stop.The truth is, your abuser is only doing what you allow him to do. You have the control. When you are ready for it to stop, it will.
Signs You Are Ready To Stop The Abuse
- You begin to wonder why your abuser is treating you this way.
- You begin to fantasize about leaving.
- You realize that you don’t deserve this treatment.
- You start to notice and admire others who have supportive, healthy relationships.
Everything that you see, that is good, that is peaceful, that is right, is available to you as well. It won’t come if you stay where you are. YOU have to make the change and deal with the consequences. The struggle will not last forever. The beginning is the struggle, the breakthrough is the commencement of the evolution away from your current state and your final resting place will be peace.
You can not change your abuser. You can not make them stop. They have gotten into a habit of treating you this way because you accepted it once, twice and many more times. To change the behavior would take a complete remaking of your relationship. A counselor can not help you, only you can.
You have to let your abuser know that this behavior is unacceptable. This is not about words or threats, this is about taking action. You must leave this situation immediately. Breaking all ties is the only way. Even if you desire to be with this person again, it will never be what you want it to be if you do not break the cycle now. You can not force the healing process.
Your abuser will have to undergo his own personal transformation, on his own terms, in order for things to be different. Do not stop your life waiting for him because there are so many ways that you are going to grow during this period and focusing/praying for his recovery will stunt that growth. You are responsible for yourself. You are only responsible for your own growth. This will not be your last chance for love.
To get help with moving on from this abusive relationship physically, you can find information on this Violence Against Women page.
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There IS help available. I used it once when I needed to get away and I received a grant to change residences.
Take a deep breath. Recognize that this is a defining moment in your life and fight through your fears right now. Move forward. Your peaceful life is waiting. You won’t be a victim for long.
For My Savvy Sisters: Were you ever in an abusive relationship? How did you get out? What is your life like now?