I don’t know if it’s the excitement of the new year, the fact that I just lost an inch on my waist through my weight loss efforts or maybe my intuition is telling me to get ready for something great. All I know is- DAMN I FEEL GOOD!
And I haven’t felt this excited for no reason in a very long time!
I’ve lost so many friends this past year. No, none of them have died but the desire to talk to them has diminished over time to the point where I feel like I want to cringe when I even think about doing it. I don’t want to be that person I was before when all I would do was complain about life and listen to them complain. I want to be chill. I AM chill…now.
So right now I’m feeling pretty good about life even though I could use more income and sometimes I think about if I’ll ever meet someone to touch my booty again but for the most part I get to do what I love to do EVERY SINGLE DAY and I get to do it on my own schedule and I get to laugh as much as I want and talk to my sons and watch Youtube videos and interview creative people and read good books and go for 4 mile walks and listen to Kanye West while I’m working out and count my calories and twist my hair and not do my laundry and call my Mama and answer emails and come home to no one else living here and cook meals for myself and go out only when I feel like it and only pay for myself and no one else and not have to listen to anyone complain about me or anything I do and come and go as I please and stay at events for as long as I want to and leave precisely when I feel like it.
FUCK! I love being single in a new city! This shit is GREAT!
No one knows me here or cares that I am here. No one is asking me for help. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me but I am nervous, nervous about this next part of my life where I am truly alone. I’ve spent most of my life surrounded by the same people, in the same places, listening to the same voices and now that all of that is over I’m out here on the verge of something I can’t quite put my finger on.
But I’m having fun while I’m trying to figure it out and I am truly pleased and happy with myself for the progress I’ve made. I can’t wish for anything else. I feel like- really- I have so much than I ever imagined. I know I don’t have fancy stuff but it’s okay. I get to eat and grocery shop whenever I need to without worrying about money and I my bills are paid. I get to write for a living- I’m a WRITER! I could just CRY! I always wanted this but never believed it could really happen and it DID! It happened!
I live the life of a retired woman, doing what I love to do on no one’s schedule but my own. I am going to meet up with an old roommate tomorrow and play tennis for the first time. TENNIS! ME! I’m going to play tennis in the middle of the day! Doesn’t that sound luxurious?!
I’m a luxurious, retired woman with two sons who adore me and I am living my dream of being a writer and being fit! I’m a fit woman! I watch my calories and work out EVERY SINGLE DAY! I may still jiggle a little here and there but it’s working because I’m working and I am so happy right now.
I can’t believe my life right now. There’s nothing else I need to make it better. I am doing so well right now and I am so happy!