I was introduced to the BDSM community by chance.
I met a man on a dating website and when we talked he told me about a website that he thought I would love. “Join Fetlife.com” he urged me. I did.
I would have to say that Fetlife has changed my life in more than one way. First, it made me cry the first day because I was so overwhelmed by the fact that everyone on that website is kinky in a way that makes them seem weird to most.
I’m weird. I’m so weird that I make a new friend maybe once every 3 years. I can never truly talk about the things I love the most like blogging and business development. And sexually-meh- I couldn’t find anyone who shared my secret kinky side. Although I had a promiscuous past, the sexual side of me has all but dried up because I got tired of being disappointed.
But then I found Fetlife and my mind went into overload. Not only are there people into all kinds of freaky stuff, they also have classes to help you to be able to engage in your type of kinky activity safely.
I started socializing and I was afraid, but I found the people in the fetish world to be most welcoming. After looking at all of the titles and recognizing my own fantasies from the past, I realize that I am a new Domme in the BDSM world. I am being challenged every step of the way because I believe I am a Domme, but the other Dominant women that I meet are so different from who I am. I am realizing that I don’t have to fit into the leather wearing, whip snapping Dominatrix image yet, I don’t have an image of my own yet, or a partner to play with.
The other part of being in the BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sado-Masochism) community is the fact that participation is heavily reliant upon interacting with others. Since I am not really a social person and I do not date, I kind of feel like I am not really a part of it all.
But I love it anyway. I love it because the parts of myself that I thought were weird- well- there are entire groups and classes dedicated to learning more about them. I’ll reveal just one of them so you can understand what I am talking about.
I am…
A mean girl.
I know you won’t believe me but I am a woman who enjoys being mean to men. I thought something was wrong with me because I couldn’t be naturally sweet to men, but in this community there are men who LIKE mean women. There are thousands of others who enjoy humiliating men and degrading them like I do. I do it for the fun of it, not to seriously wound a guy.
I did meet a man that I was able to play with as my most authentic self and he LOVED it when I was mean to him. He understood it, he accepted it, it turned him on. He kissed my feet, worshipped me and I slapped him until my heart was content. I released all of my aggression and he understood it. The look in his eyes as he knelt before me nearly made me fall in love. That was a connection I will never forget.
While I continue to learn more about people and the reasons they develop their kinks, it helps me to better understand people in a whole new way. Now when I hear about a woman who starts fights with her partner I can ask her questions to see if she does it because it arouses her and I can redirect her and her partner to understand how this fighting can be turned into play and everyone can benefit.
I am so happy I found the BDSM community!
No, I’m not getting tied up or anything. I have met many women who LOVE this loss of control but honestly, I am not strong enough to be submissive. In order to be someone’s slave or submissive, you have to trust them completely and I don’t trust anyone. I still believe that everyone is out to hurt me. I’m still fragile and sensitive.
But all of that is okay. I am studying female dominance and I hope to teach you lessons about how to be the leader in your own life and the lives of those who love you. I’m trying to get this right for ME and for YOU.
Tomorrow I am going to a class on Female Domination and I hope to meet other women who have this demeanor on lock so I can soak in their wisdom.
Regardless of which type you identify with, whether Dominant or submissive, please remember that neither role or personality type is better than the other. Some people are meant to serve, while others love to lead. I am a mixture of both. In my opinion, I lead BY serving others.
Anyway. Check out these videos I made about my introduction to the Fetish World (BDSM Community).
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Hi, I´m Dominant Masochist, DM is also acronym of my name.. nomem omen. 🙂 and it´s very nice for me to read your honest confession about searching of your own sexual/emotinal identity. Some 5 years ago, I started to question my “wanna-be-normal” self perception and was really confused by what´s wrong with me as I have some kind of BSDM preferences – what more – combined with homosexual orientation which can be quite confusing, especially in this still quite conventional world. What helped me the most were – exactly! – personal confessions of others. Seeing the variety of all those kinds and combinations of preferences, deviations and “perversions” of people who are actually very normal and human was such a relief for me.. that I was able to accept.. anything about myself already!