I wasn’t always aware of the fact that I liked women in a romantic way. I remember playing ‘house’ with girls when I was younger and also being fascinated by them physically when I was a teen but I “knew” it was wrong to like girls so I squashed the thought in my mind.
Girls and women would usually approach me for dates and show interest once I went to college but I was adamant that I wasn’t “that way”. I felt like they were trying to convince me to give it a try and I don’t like being coerced into anything. I questioned myself a lot over the years and wondered why so many women felt attracted to me. I knew I wasn’t into women because I had never been in love with a woman before, but I had many special friends that I treated like they were my girlfriends, without the sexual part. I called it being a good friend.
It wasn’t until I was 30 years old that I bumped into a woman that made my heart melt. I wanted her and didn’t know what to do with that feeling. Nothing happened although I tried to get to know her to figure out what it was about her that made me desire her and what exactly was I desiring. It was a confusing time period for me and I faced my fear of being attracted to women by dating them and joining online forums for women who like women. Through that period I learned that there are lots of women who are attracted to women and I also met a girl that I liked who liked me back, over the internet. This was a cute first relationship for me and it really showed me that I could love a woman romantically.
The following list is a personal list of all the clues I believe should have shown me that I do in fact, have an undeniable attraction for SOME women. Here are 9 Signs You Might Be a Lesbian.
You Might Be a Lesbian If…
1) You’ve dated many men but none of them can keep your attention, with the exception of your celebrity crushes.
2) You have a close friend and you want to be her everything by taking care of her every need and making sure she’s happy and smiling everyday.
3) When you have dated men in the past, they were all very feminine or later confessed to being gay.
4) When you imagine a future in a relationship with a man it makes you feel sad.
5) When you meet certain women, your body tenses up and you feel magnetically drawn to them and want to know them.
6) You’ve had to tell yourself, “Being attracted to women is wrong.”
7) Dry humping your partner fully clothed feels better than penetration.
8) You had a promiscuous sexual history with men because you viewed sex with men as an activity instead of an expression of love.
9) You’ve asked yourself, “Am I gay?” many, many times.
If you recognize yourself in these signs, it’s okay. Whether you are a lesbian, bi sexual or even if you realize that you aren’t really attracted to women after all, it’s okay to be who you are and be attracted to who you want to be attracted to. There are no written instructions for love. There is no one judging you but you. You can decide today that you are going to go with your instinct and love who you are naturally drawn to.
RELATED: When your friend is questioning her sexuality
Attraction is not a choice. You can’t turn it off. You can ignore it and behave how society tells you to behave but will “society” wait with you at the doctor’s office when you are feeling sick?
Your real love is waiting behind the complete acceptance of yourself and your preferences. It’s okay. You can be you now.
thank you for this article. it really helped.
Thanks for this… I was questioning and now I know for sure 🙂
I am married, but still feel this way. It does make me sad.
Aw don’t be sad, they’re just what your instincts.
I wish i read this years ago before I was out, it would have saved a lot of wasted time. It’s hard to realise, accept and tell others that you’re gay but it all becomes worth it when you find real love-not ‘love’ which you force yourself to experience with a man.
thanks for this…”Attraction is not a choice. You can’t turn it off.” it’s up to me now.
This is very true..I have been having dreams about sexual encounters with women my entire life. Just in the last 2 years, I have accepted the fact that I am bi-sexual. I am 59 years old. I feel on some level I have wasted alot of time..but at the same time I know I had to have my previous experiences to be where I am today. Congratulations on your blog and website!
I think I’m finally coming to terms with the fact that I’m bi. Most of the guys I’ve dated/ones who were drawn to me were super feminine and/or gay. I’ve always preferred the company of gay men to straight men. I am also really fickle with guys and tend to go for ones that I know I can’t have. It takes me a really long time to feel comfortable sexually with a guy unless I’m drunk. I’m currently obsessed with the L Word and have had feelings for girls from school and work. I’m still working it out, so maybe I am actually fairly hetero. Dunno. Though I always want to please this girlfriend of mine (friend who is a girl). I have always been strangely submissive to certain girls. But some guys just really make me feel flustered – though I’m not sure whether this is awkwardness or physical attraction…hmmm. I don’t think I’m entirely lesbian or entirely straight so this is driving me bonkers.
Hi Laura. Most people aren’t “entirely” one preference or the other. It’s okay to be undecided and open to whatever form love comes in. You’re doing fine.
I’m actually really confused because I’m still a teenager (I’m 15 turning 16 this year) so it might just be a phase that’s why I don’t wanna take it seriously but I really think I’m lesbian, I’ve been on so many sites going through the “signs” and most of them are true for me- I’ve dated 2 girls (one in grade 7 and one last year) but I never kissed either of them because that would be really awkward. The freaky thing is that I fantasize about making out with my ex girlfriends and I go to the same school as one of them and I just found out that she recently came out and told her friends that she’s lesbian…
Do you think I’m lesbian??
If the thought of being with a woman excites you more than men then yes you are a lesbian. But you don’t have to decide at all. Just go with the flow of life and see who arouses and excites your HEART more. =)
I am 15 years old and I think I might be a lesbian because I notice girls and I even feel attracted to a close friend of mine who I often had dreams about and so far I keep trying to deny my attraction to her.
I am 14 and.i always dreamed of dating.girls since i was 11. I never understood why. This website has helped a lot . Thank.you
Hi i am 12 almost 13 and i fantasize about me dating girls. I try to deny it. Around girls i get nervous but Excited a Little. My friend who walks home with me holds My but i let go. I do like it when she does and we.always hang out Together in School and i get always so happy around her. I never feel this way about boys. Does this make me.lesbian?
I meant hold my hand
I can relate to you. In most ways
Thank you for this article! It really helped and definitely rang true for me.
hi im 21 yrs old i think im lesbian coz i love girls b ut i fall in love boys too…and now i have a leave in partner i love him somuch but still my heart love someone who is woman…i was confusing who am i…
Oh my. This article helped alot. In all honesty I think im a lesbian but im just so confused right now. But I have an attraction to my bestfriend, sadly I know I can never be with her because she hates the thought of anything same sex because shes a pastured daughter and thats how she was raised. What do I do?? Im more scared about comming out to my friends (if I am a lesbian) then I am to my family. If my friends disown me, I’ll be alone. I hate people and they are all i have, if my family disowns me, I mean I’ll be broken for sure but my family they never said anything about disliking gays. Gosh. This is so complicated.
Have fiance, baby. Realising im lesbian. I tryed 2 b straight. Better not get married.. Fml! The dry humping bit so true lol
Hi, I’ve been asking myself if I’m lesbian for like 3 years and I’m 27 now. I’ve had a lot of boyfriends and I do like girly stuff, my family is also very conservative. But I find myself admiring lesbian celebrities and lesbian themed stories or shows. I don’t know if I’m just curious or if I actually am gay. Sometimes I imagine myself being in a relationship with a woman and spending the rest of my life with her. But I don’t get easily attracted to some random girl in the streets with great body or whatsoever. But I do remember being so intrigued and even crushing on a quirky and artistic girl back in college and wonder what it would be like having her as my girlfriend. Does that make me gay?
I’m 14 and I wish that I knew for sure if I was straight! bit or lesbian. I fantasize about girls sexually, but when I see girls in public or anywhere I don’t feel physically attracted to the,.
I’m so confused…
I like guys, when I see a cute guy I am attracted to him, I’ve also had crushes on guys before. I have only had one boyfriend before, but it didn’t work out.
Am a lesbian if I fantasize sexually about women?
I kept telling people that I’m a lesbian but they wont believe it. They just keep on thinking that i just trying to crack a joke. Some men will just tell me that i look too great to be a lesbian. But it freaking annoys me being with them. I always prefer the company of a woman.
Some of these are okay points, but mostly this “article” is dumb as hell.
Thank you for the article it has helped in some way i dont know if am a lesbian ..frankly i hope its just a phase . Am sixteen and i have never kissed a guy or had a boyfriend .. Most of my friends are girl .. I alway wonder what it would be like to date girls .. Am mostly attracted to tomboys ..
I’m in middle school my parents are lesbian ( that has no effect on what I am ) and I remember when I was younger experiencing certain fondness towards girlfriends of mine ( friends that are girls ) in elementary school I remember this one girl I had feelings for , I got so happy when she talked to me way happier than other boys I “liked” . There are some girls that I see and just freeze liking them but not all girls , I still think some guys are cute and sometimes dream about strong arms holding me, but when I think about my future , one day family, I don’t think husband .
My parents are lesbian so I’ve gone to my fair share of pride parades and when I’m there I feel at home and so very happy , I keep having feelings towards some girls but I keep shoving that thought down saying to my head “your a teenager you got all these hormones you don’t know what you want” I’m confused but I think I might be lesbian I kinda want to be when I think about my future and having a wife it makes me so happy inside and I sometimes literally cry , but I don’t really know , your article helps me because I think I am lesbian but not yet does that make any sense ? I have a boyfriend right now (not like serious) and I think I have more feelings for my best friend then him right now …….. Whatever I may be or turn out to be can you please reply back to tell me what you think but not through the email I gave you please because my mom gets notified if I get a email and I don’t know yet and don’t want to tell yet cuz I don’t really know, Thank you. 🙂
I think you do not have to choose now or ever. Just see who loves you the best and who makes you feel safe and like you are amazing to them and give that person the same type of love back. Just have fun and don’t feel guilty about who you love!
hw ur parents are they lesbians?
wt do u mean there?
actualy, i dont know wt i am.
i dont feel attractive neither on man or female. i hv never done sex ever. bt am very interested on lesbian pages and watch their video than the one of male and female.
i wish to try to do sex with lesbian bt not african(am african) white lady.
bti cant seee a girl passing and feel attracted on her or having special love on her, just fun i mean sex.
and i love boys, for special love not sex.
wt am i?
You’re bisexual.
I’m 12 and I kissed a girl , should I tell my mom and dad?…
hey i Am 15. i am really boy crazy and i have dated guys before at my school. sometimes i find myself watching lesbian porn and i have tried watching guy and girl sex but it just doesnt seem right. To me, watching a guy and girl have sex is gross. I have dated a girl before but never went passed kissing, holding hands, hugging and grabbing butts. one of my bisexual female friends grabbed my butt once and i liked it. i am having a difficult time finding out my sexuality and i am really confused. what am I?
hey this article really helps. im 22, no boyfriend since birth. i have afeelings on both but i really aroused watching FHM- sexiest women. wat am i? please advice thank you.
Um 18yrs old and since I’ve started dating I like girls morthan boys I dated 2 girls and it made me feel right but I am feeling ashamed 2 CME out because of mi family.Thy are Christia so thyll thnk I have demons
I’m 15 and not sure if I’m gay. I’ve always had an interest in boys but I’ve always been fascinated by girls and am more attracted to lady models. Also think I have a crush on one of my not so close friends. Freaking help me because sometimes I strongly believe I’m gay, and sometimes i’m in , like , denial saying I can’t be.