You’re miserable and you’re doing it to yourself. Don’t believe me? Test your mentality against these 5 habits and see how you actually have control over your misery.
1. Demanding that life be exactly the way you want it to be.
We hope that life will be a fairy tale but it’s really not. There are certain things about life that you can’t control and you will have to accept that. Your life satisfaction is based around how well you react to the situations you can’t control.
When things don’t play out as you envisioned them, you have to know that it’s not the end of the world. You have to understand that you are not the CEO of this planet and you can’t force people to obey your every whim. It’s okay if life turns out differently than what you expected, in fact, I guarantee that it will. Our fantasies are idealized and once achieved on even the smallest levels, the bliss associated with them loses its luster. Stop demanding that you have exactly what you want when you want it and you’ll see a difference in your happiness level.
2. Expecting others to treat you the way you would treat them.
It makes perfect sense. YOU would never borrow a pair of jeans and not return them but when Janna does, it makes you think something is wrong with her. Why? Janna was born with a different set of ideals and morals than you were. It may have been common in her household to share clothing and trade other items.
When others treat you differently than the way you would treat them it isn’t an indication of YOUR VALUE, it is an indication of how that person values the interaction and their view of the world. Nothing anyone does has anything to do with you. Everyone interacts in this world according to their perspective of it. People who are critical are critical of themselves and the world. People who are generous, want that kind of treatment in return. It’s never about you, its about how the person feels in this world; their actions let you know.
3. Chasing the illusion of success.
Sure, you’ve been taught that you need to have a big house, a shiny car, awards on your wall and a cutie by your side but is that really what success is about. Why are you so hard on yourself because you don’t have what others have? Who is judging you? You are really the only judge in your life.
We build and we build. We compete and we win. We grow and we want to everyone to remember our names, but it’s not really necessary because their approval doesn’t matter. We set these lofty goals for achievement to prove to ourselves and others that our lives meant something but no one taking a tally. Redefine success for yourself, it can be whatever you want it to be without causing you to feel bad everytime you turn on television or watch your friends walk by at the mall. It’s an illusion that you do not have to buy into.
4. Believing that this life is a test for a more permanent existence.
This is not a test. No one is judging your performance with a score card. The next round is not the elimination round. This is your chance to experience bliss, love, peace and growth.
There is no need to feel that you will be condemned forever for mistakes you make or habits you develop as a result of living in this society. You choose your own fate by how you choose to view yourself and your role in this world. This is your life. Let your fears go, no one is watching.
5. Believing that romantic love is the greatest love of all.
I know. It’s beautiful to watch in the movies. It’s great to fantasize about. If it played out like most romantic comedies do, it would rank among the most satisfying experiences in life but, romantic love is not THE life experience to end all life experiences.
You have a 50/50 shot at finding a one true love. You can take the time to cry now if you want but the truth is, life doesn’t begin with a romantic partnership. It’s okay if that one person who understands you and loves you all the same happens to be your mother or your bestfriend. You can enjoy sex for the pleasure of it without it leading to a permanent relationship.
Nothing is permanent. If you have ever had the chance to look into the eyes of someone who really cares about you and would do anything to see you happy, you’ve experienced the highest point of romance already. You’ve done it. Linger in the bliss of that memory and check that goal off of your to-do list. There are other experiences to have that are equally as rewarding and thrilling. Go out and see.