Te-Erika’s Diary: Trying To Make It Happen

Hey.

I thought I’d take a little time out to share what it’s like to run and organize the ‘leading empowerment website for women.’

~sigh~ I love that tagline.

Anyway. It is my pleasure to spend the majority of my waking hours brainstorming ideas and then writing the creative, inspiring content you read everyday. I also enjoy researching awesome women on the internet and emailing them to ask them to be profiled so that you can learn how they made a success of themselves. When I’m not doing that, I am marketing The Rebuild Your Life Project through sending emails and making phone calls to anyone I can think of that may support this endeavor.

Last week I called the President of The United States to invite him to visit me at my restaurant and allow me to share about the Rebuild Your Life Project. I also called his advisor to invite her. I invite them both by email as well. I have reached out to the music artists whose music I used on my videos to invite them to publicly support this project and I have reached out to the people I believe would care about what I did.

So far, no one has written me back or even acknowledged me. I believe in The Rebuild Your Life Project. I believe it is important for women to know about what I did. When you watch the 95 videos you will be amazed that one person set out to achieve a goal, didn’t hit it exactly, but persevered through and came out the other side alive. I became homeless on purpose. I overcame my biggest fear.

I’m a different person. I’m harder. I’m not as friendly. I don’t care as much about others. I’m more stoic about life. I’m not as caring as I once was because I realized through this project that some people don’t want or NEED saving. Some people, even though it seems that they need help, don’t want your help.

I’m not into forcing my idea of an acceptable lifestyle on anyone, but for those who would like a hand up- I want to be there. The videos I made are that hand up. Along with the money I give away and the counseling I do, I am a one woman force for empowerment. I’d love to expand my team to include more writers and developers and board members but that will all come in time, I guess. For now, it’s just me and my faithful writers who contribute to the site.

I do get some sort of joy out of all of this work yet, I am ready to move on to the next phase in life and I’m wondering if I am the thing that is holding me back. When I’m at work, I see the emotional involvement of those on my team and I try to get there too but it’s difficult. I love serving, but its not my life, not like those guys. They’re so cute. They take everything so seriously and are so into the restaurant lifestyle because it is important to them. I watch them and I wish I had finally found that place in life. I find myself watching the clock lately, waiting to go home and write. This isn’t a good sign. Usually I am delighted to serve. I feel like my mind is somewhere else when I’m at work and I feel guilty about it.

Maybe this website and non profit is that ‘place’ for me. I do think of it night and day. When I’m daydreaming at work, I’m thinking about the next article I can write or the next resource I can give away to make a woman’s life easier. I dream of promoting women’s businesses and holding conferences and honoring women for their efforts at changing their lives and the lives of others.

I love women.

In a non sexual way of course.

I’m not perfect but I’m trying to make this into my career but it’s hard because, well, I think I must be getting in my own way.

Today I read a quote by Rumi that blew my socks off. I made this image for it.

I decided that it’s time to make a big move, a crazy one. I started planning for it too.

I swear, I’m always taking a risk and it seems that they never pay off. If my dreams come true, I will be the owner of the leading resource and news website for women. I will have the ear of every woman in the world. I will be the woman that every woman reaches out to for help and to learn what is going on in the world.

I want to be that woman, who creates change for women everywhere. I want to build neighborhoods and affordable housing, create jobs, enlist the help of women everywhere to join together. I want to help people find love within themselves and to be more mature and less fearful.

I want to say I’m sorry for all the times I have done wrong by giving more than anyone has ever given.

And, I want my sons to know that anything is within their reach.

But it’s all a dream. Right now I’m sitting in my room with a bag of Oreos beside me. I’m trying not to eat them all but they look so tempting.

I have my bills paid a month in advance already. This feels good but I know that I can do more if I had the chance to make money doing what I’m really good at doing.

Oh, I have a friend. He’s a man. An older man. Yeah, kind of like the one I met during the time I was homeless except this one has not expressed any kind of attraction to me. I have begun to think of him a lot because he likes to listen to my ideas.

When I told him that I want to meet with the President he said, “That’s a good idea, let me see if I can make a phone call for you.”

He always does that. He listens and he cares and he helps if he can. No, he’s not trying to sleep with me. I can’t imagine that he would even desire that. I don’t know what he wants actually but I can hear the delight in his voice when I’m excited and I tell him about a new marketing technique that I’ve tried.

“You’re amazing,” he says to me.

Yeah. I am.

He’s right.

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