My heart is hurting so much right now.
I’m 3 days away from my job fair and now I decided to cancel it after realizing: YOU CAN NOT QUIT YOU DIDN’T REACH YOUR GOAL.
I wrestled with this idea for a half hour. I called my sister and we went over the ramifications and the truth is, if I don’t finish what I started I will be a liar.
I have to set another date for the job fair and I have to start all over again. I have two interested businesses and I have to set the time to find more. This month was a slow start with me adjusting mentally and physically to this new beginning and lifestyle.
I can’t even BEGIN to look for employment for myself until this job fair is a success.
I’m feeling like a failure a little bit but I’m trying to give myself some room to grow and make mistakes.
All kinds of things went wrong during this first month:
The post office never set up my PO Box so all the mail I SHOULD have received all month was sent back to the sender. When I gave the job fair venue my date and time I asked them to let me know if anything needed to be changed and they didn’t so I began marketing this event and at the last minute I had to change the time which made my two businesses have to back out due to the time change. My first donor said she mailed me a check and I never got it which held me up from securing the venue. I began vending (asking for donations for the Homeless Voice newspaper) on the streets which wore me out physically and mentally as I transformed from website publisher to a street walker asking for donations.
My goodness! I am doing so much at once. Adjusting to a new lifestyle and trying to do something that no one can lead me through doing and I don’t have much strength to be emotionless. I cry every single day.
I feel like crying right now.
I don’t know what I’m doing and how long this will take and I miss my sons and I don’t even know if this is something that will be good for anyone.
I am feeling the pain of not seeing my sons for a month.
I was all happy go lucky yesterday and now look.
I’ll write more later when my spirits are up.
Everything is a good thing. I’m trying to remind myself.