REBUILD: Dusting Myself Off

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My heart is hurting so much right now.

I’m 3 days away from my job fair and now I decided to cancel it after realizing: YOU CAN NOT QUIT YOU DIDN’T REACH YOUR GOAL.

I wrestled with this idea for a half hour. I called my sister and we went over the ramifications and the truth is, if I don’t finish what I started I will be a liar.

I have to set another date for the job fair and I have to start all over again. I have two interested businesses and I have to set the time to find more. This month was a slow start with me adjusting mentally and physically to this new beginning and lifestyle.

I can’t even BEGIN to look for employment for myself until this job fair is a success.

I’m feeling like a failure a little bit but I’m trying to give myself some room to grow and make mistakes.

All kinds of things went wrong during this first month:

The post office never set up my PO Box so all the mail I SHOULD have received all month was sent back to the sender. When I gave the job fair venue my date and time I asked them to let me know if anything needed to be changed and they didn’t so I began marketing this event and at the last minute I had to change the time which made my two businesses have to back out due to the time change. My first donor said she mailed me a check and I never got it which held me up from securing the venue. I began vending (asking for donations for the Homeless Voice newspaper) on the streets which wore me out physically and mentally as I transformed from website publisher to a street walker asking for donations.

My goodness! I am doing so much at once. Adjusting to a new lifestyle and trying to do something that no one can lead me through doing and I don’t have much strength to be emotionless. I cry every single day.

I feel like crying right now.

I don’t know what I’m doing and how long this will take and I miss my sons and I don’t even know if this is something that will be good for anyone.

I am feeling the pain of not seeing my sons for a month.

I was all happy go lucky yesterday and now look.

I’ll write more later when my spirits are up.

Everything is a good thing. I’m trying to remind myself.

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Comments (2)

  1. Sherry Brizendine May 7, 2011
  2. Te-Erika May 7, 2011

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