Te-Erika’s Diary: No Spiritual Rewards or Punishments

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Today I was thinking about my choices. The most important choices I make are my beliefs. It’s not some mystic, woo woo, type of truth that my beliefs become my reality, the truth is, whatever I believe becomes real FOR ME because I view the world through that lens.

My beliefs change as I change so at any given moment I can choose to adopt a new belief if it suits me. It’s not that I’m giving myself permission to do whatever the hell I want to do, the real deal is, I must constantly challenge myself to make sense of the world and my experiences FOR MYSELF. I’m not the type of person to allow someone else, ANYONE ELSE, to define life for me.

In fact, I often reject the belief systems of others sometimes just because I know I can come up with one on my own. That is why I can’t accept anyone’s version of religion. I tried with Buddhism. I really liked the concept especially when I read that Buddha didn’t want you to accept what he had to say based on faith. Buddha challenged you to try out what he has to say and if it makes sense to you then you should stick with it.

Then came the part when I watched the movie on Buddhism on public television. I was fascinated by his desire to seek the truth of humanness and develop a remedy for suffering. He gave away everything to seek out this truth. And he did.

While sitting under a tree, he got it. He began teaching these ideas that came to him and they have helped millions to detach themselves from the simple, mundane and often brutal existence that they experience.

The only thing that turned me off about it is, he came up with it himself. It wasn’t some divine intervention. He came up with ideas and he taught them. I can do the same. In fact, I must.

I don’t believe anyone on this planet is more capable of shaping my belief system than I am. I’m not a follower. It doesn’t feel right to listen to someone else’s version of truth and simply accept it because it makes sense. Everything is made up. Every version of truth is someone’s opinion.

If I were to accept someone else’s explanation of life, death and how the world works, or even how I should BE, it would make them some sort of god in my life. I have no god.

I have no belief that my actions will reap spiritual rewards or punishments. Every choice I make, I do have to face consequences but there is no eternal judgment for me. There is no one to offer me eternal blessings for good deeds or even eternal damnation for bad ones. When I choose to give or be a blessing, I do so because I WANT TO. Not because someone is watching.

Today I had a very important decision to make. I’ve made this decision in the past and chose differently because I was afraid of some concept of god judging my actions. Today I made a different decision because now I realize that I am my own god. I judge myself. I have to live with myself. I feel no guilt. I feel no shame. It’s my choice. That’s it.

My belief system right now has settled on the fact that there are no spiritual rewards or punishments for my behavior. Now watch how I live my life!

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