Te-Erika’s Diary: Not Easily Molded

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Yes, I have been having a BLAST engaging with men here in LA. I don’t understand why women complain about LA dudes. Maybe they do it because they are looking for a husband or want commitment. I want none of these things; I just want to have a good time.

So today I was coming home when I realized that I was coming home wearing the same clothes from yesterday. I had to laugh as I sashayed up the street after taking the train from my ???’s apartment in North Hollywood after he basically kicked me out for talking back to him.

Yes, he DID!

Am I mad? Not really. We had an incredible night of fun and a few laughs. The only issue came when after the kinky fun we started talking and we both realized that we were not a good match for each other.  He asked me about my line of work and I usually cringe when this topic comes up with men because I have not met ONE man who ‘gets’ it yet.

You’re saving money to GIVE AWAY, when you’re in need?

You’re not taking care of your kids?

You used to be a host, but only on the internet?

 

Oh GOD! I’ve heard ALL of these things before. They usually come from people who judge me based on my economic status RIGHT NOW instead of seeing the groundwork I have been laying for years.  But, I guess you would laugh at the person who claims they have a house when there are only 3 walls put up, right?

He hadn’t googled me so he had no idea how dedicated I am to my work, how much press I’ve gotten, how many books I’ve written, my education and background as a journalist and how really helpful my wisdom and guidance is.  He asked me questions then criticized my efforts. I realized why he was doing this- the personality I was showing him was NOTHING like who I really am around people. I was being nice and submissive, which he likes, but I am not TRULY submissive- not outside the bedroom.

He wants someone who takes his words as GODS WORD, meaning he wants all authority and I have yet to give any man that type of freedom. He wants a woman that says ‘Yes sir’ when he says something and asks no questions or never talks back.

That’s not me. I tried it, but it didn’t make sense to me. I have an opinion too. I know my work and my life and my intentions, I can’t just sit there and act like I’m dumb. He even opened a browser on his computer and showed me his stats for his new website telling me that I should monitor the stats and views on my youtube channel to know exactly how many people I was reaching after he asked me how many hits a certain video I made, had reached.

Um. I do that. I stalk my stats daily. But I can’t memorize ALL the hits on each video- I have nearly 400 videos!  I’ve been studying online marketing and content creation for years and I have dedicated myself to this work in a way that he wouldn’t allow me to explain, nor did he care. No matter what I would have said he wouldn’t have seen the value in it, I think he just- wanted to establish himself as my authority.

~sigh~

I’m not sad, I had a GREAT time with him before he told me he’s tired of me talking back to him and I needed to leave. It’s funny how even when things don’t work out well with men, I still see the lesson learned and I look back on them with fondness for the experience.

So many people are searching for the “ONE” but there’s no guarantee that each person will be that. Maybe there isn’t even a “ONE” but a steady stream of life lessons learned from interacting with people.

I’m going to miss him. He was so attractive and confident and I would have loved to learn more about his work. I’m not submissive enough. That’s not going to change and I don’t mind. I’m just glad that I have the guts to stay single forever rather than being molded into what someone else wants me to be.

I do hope he finds that moldable chick though, he was a sweetheart under all of that aggression. I’m sure she’ll be very happy.

DAMN, I’m sure gonna miss his- um- personality- all 8 inches of it. ~Panting~

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