Te-Erika’s Diary: What My Intuition Sounds Like

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Tonight I’m feeling kind of woo woo, after having a conversation on Facebook about thought leaders. A lady there says she is often infatuated with spiritual teachers and thought leaders until she meets them and then she is turned off because they have no connection.

I think her issue is, she expects these opinion leaders to be more than human, to be just as attracted to her as she is to them and to immediately gravitate toward her. I find this annoying as hell. Just because I write words that resonate with your or make a video that helps you to find peace, doesn’t mean that I am super human or that we will become friends. I tell people all of the time that I am not friendly and I have no desire to have a crowd of people begging me to socialize.

Ugh. It’s as though if you give people perspectives they can use to make sense of their lives that is not enough for them and they require more. Not only do they use the perspectives you offer but you have to be their friend in order for them to respect you too. I guess I’ll just deal with not having respect then. I don’t want to be everyone’s friend.

Anyway, that conversation made me think about the voice that offers these opinions that I share. Where do I get my ideas from? In my rational mind, I make everything up. Just like Buddha, I sit on my bed, think of a debilitating scenario and create a way to re-frame it so it is less threatening or frustrating. I then share the re-framing.

But is it really ME offering the instruction or guidance or is it someone else whispering in my ear?

I don’t know.

I do know that there have been very specific occasions where I have heard a voice that is NOT my own instruct me on what to do. I now call this voice my intuition. These instructions were not fear based or irrational or harmful in any way. This voice always speaks to me as though it is someone outside of who I am even though it sounds like ME. It addresses me as “You”. I’ll explain them for your enjoyment/understanding.

The first time I remember hearing a voice in my head that was not my own, I was 10 years old. I was sitting in front of my brand new type writer, just pecking away, writing out my life story.

I then heard the voice say- You can’t write this now, you haven’t lived enough.

I sat up. I listened. I stopped typing because I found this to be true.

The second time I can clearly recall hearing this voice was when I was in  my early 20’s. I had just had my two sons and I was sitting on my bed crying because I felt like my life was over because I had two kids. I knew in my heart that I had talent and intelligence but I just couldn’t see how I could manage to share my talent and take care of kids at the same time. I remember that I laid back on my bed and asked out loud through my tears, “How will I ever be who I know I am supposed to be?”

Then I “heard” – I will guide you.

Fast forward about 10 years later and I’m about to being The Rebuild Your Life Project but I don’t know it yet. I’m afraid. I’m facing an impending loss. I’m wondering what to do next with my life now that everything seems to be crashing down. I’m worried that I will become homeless and end up on the side of the road clutching a beer can, begging for change.

I “hear” this instruction and them immediately reject it even though the voice is as clear as a whistle.- You will become homeless on purpose and you will teach how to survive it.

I was like- HELL NO! But the suggestion was insistent. After a while it made sense to me, sort of and I decided to go with it and make it a project that would help me to face my fear and help others to let go of their fears too. That is when I created The Rebuild Your Life Project.

Just before I began The Rebuild Your Life Project, I was sitting on the bed and thinking random thoughts and I was interrupted by the voice again. It said to me- If you really want to help women, you have to go to law school.

What the hell? I had just dropped out of grad school,why would I even think about going to law school? I became annoyed by this suggestion but I have yet to stop thinking about whether this is something I can do or rather something I am willing to do.

So there you have it. Those are the times I am completely sure that I was hearing from a source outside of myself but from within myself, if that makes sense.

I have no idea if it was the concept of God or whatever, but I know what I heard and I know it was no ME who gave me those ideas or instructions. I also know that whenever I hear this voice it is never something that hurts me or belittles me or makes me hurt others.

If you are trying to hear your intuition, just listen. It is speaking to you all of the time and it sounds like YOU but it is offering instruction, not judgment.

 

 

 

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