I decided to write this post because a woman recently remarked to me that I am difficult to get next to. I am. It’s not because I think I’m better than anyone else. It’s more that I am focused on things that most people aren’t, I don’t like idle chatter and I am simply not a friendly and outgoing person.
I’m weird. I have social anxiety, which means when I am in a non structured social situation, I feel uncomfortable. This discomfort stems from the fact that my mentality surrounding life, success and relationships is so oddly different from most people that I would rather not try to explain or defend myself if asked my opinion on things. I don’t feel like I should have to explain myself, so I don’t. I’d much rather be quiet.
If for some odd reason, you’ve been introduced to my work and you’re reading this post and you’re wondering if we could be close friends or besties, there is a slim chance of that happening but it IS possible. Here are 5 ways you can become a genuine friend of mine, someone I call for advice or assistance or someone I want to see prosper so I will be willing to do a little extra leg work to help them achieve their goals.
1. Don’t Try To Be My Friend
I am an introvert which means that I enjoy spending time alone or in close knit groups of people that I trust or admire. I usually spend as much time alone as possible. If you are trying to invite me to lunch or dinner or to a party I will say No because I don’t know you and I have no idea what you want from me and I don’t like random idle chatter.
INSTEAD- Send me an email to introduce yourself and say Hi. Then, if you can, introduce me to something that will help my work become easier. Good examples are: An article you found, a quote that reminds you of me or a phone number of someone who may be able to help me to support women more efficiently. If you do something like this, I will not forget who you are and I will probably reach out to you at some point to thank you and to invite you to chat or work with me.
2. Be Oustanding
I don’t connect with most people because they are living lives that are in contrast to mine. Most people are fascinated and pre occupied by entertainment and I’m not. Most people have a strong desire for marriage and I don’t. Most people daydream about retiring from someone else’ s company and I do not. Most people are asking for PERMISSION from someone else to achieve their dreams and I do not.
If you are somehow different from the masses and you have the work to SHOW for it (i.e; books, reviews, a porfolio, clips) I will be impressed and willing to celebrate you and help you in any way I can to push you forward. I don’t even have to agree with what you are pushing, I will admire the fact that you are pushing hard enough for something you want. If we can talk about strategies that involve branding, marketing and expansion, it is very likely that I will find you intriguing and reach out to you on occasion.
3. Accept Me As I Am
If I say I don’t want to meet your friends, please do not become upset. If I say that I am tired and don’t want to go out, please accept that part of me. I am an introvert. I am extremely weird. I rarely desire to interact socially with people so making friends is not high on my priority list anyway. If you can accept that and respect it and still feel close to me, we will probably get along very well.
4. Teach Me Something
I rarely encounter people in real life who have skills and knowledge that can serve me in meeting my goals or ideas that would help me to expand myself as a woman. I would be most delighted if you could share some type of wisdom with me that would delight me or expand my knowledge of the world in some way. It doesn’t have to be related to my personal or business goals, it just has to be interesting and useful. I dream of the day when I am surrounded by people who are more intelligent and more established than I am. I am an extremely creative and enterprising person and having a pool of well established people around me who are willing to share wisdom would really, REALLY make my day.
5. Be Self Directed
I spend the majority of my time encouraging women, sharing wisdom and coaching people toward their dream lifestyles. It would be nice to meet people who don’t need as much attention and direction from me. I LOVE every woman who reaches out to me, yet during my down time, my fun time, I just want to relax and not have to help my friends make every decision for their lives. Be self motivated and directed. Allow me to help you, not PUSH you. I would greatly appreciate that from a friend.