This month was crazy for me. I’m in a fog about it now, as life usually goes. Things seem so intense in the moment but once that moment passes, its all a faint memory.
Anyway. I’m thinking about this one dude I met. Seriously, I was NOT attracted to him when I met him because he’s tall (6’4″), light skinned and um- I’m usually not attracted to tall dudes or light skinned dudes, I like’em short and chocolate. But maybe something new is a good thing.
He stuck out in my mind because I met him late at night while he was out partying with his friends. He and I nearly bumped into each other as we were walking down the street, I spoke, he spoke back. It was a very brief encounter but there he was, handing me his card. It’s a Friday night and he was still marketing his services as a barber-very nice. That impressed me.
I made a promise to myself to go visit and spend money with him plus I needed a haircut anyway. The next day I went in and got my haircut and I asked him to wash my hair and his hands felt so good on my head that I went back- and keep going back just to get him to rub my head.
Since he’s attractive and I needed a way to demonstrate how to handle yourself when you’re in a new city and you don’t have a regular sex partner, I hoped he would allow me to poke fun at my lack of affection by being in a video with me on my youtube channel. I’m so glad he agreed to be in my video. I sent the link to him so he could watch it once it was done and long story short, we ended up hanging out a few times.
This man was so different from every other man I’ve ever met before. I don’t even know how to describe it. Number one, he’s dominant. That’s sexy. Where are the rest of the dominant men who know how to lead without being a dick about it? Anyway. Most men I meet, I can’t respect their opinion because their approach is so wrong. They talk smack about women, they gossip, they lie about what they have. I’m not saying this dude is a saint because I don’t know him that well, but he did do something that made me give him a very sincere hug.
Late one night I am at his apartment and we’ve been talking for a couple of hours. He was sitting across the room at his dining table while I was on the couch. He came over to sit next to me and I was laying back, listening to him ramble. Funny thing about him- the closer he is to me, the more attractive he becomes. At 12 inches away, I’m feeling the tingle ignited by his sexy but I’m playing it so cool even though he’s already close enough that our legs are touching. He leans over and without a word, lifts my shirt to expose my belly –
Hello?! I’m a Mom and you KNOW how we feel about our squishy bellies. Mine happens to look like a deflated souffle. ~sigh~
Anyway, he lifted up my shirt and I gasped. “What are you doing?” I asked him immediately.
He looked me in my eye as he squeezed my squishy belly. He smiled at me. He squeezed some more. I sat there frozen, barely able to breathe as my biggest shame, the one area that all men ignore, the most flabby part of my body was being touched by a handsome man.
“Isn’t this the part of a woman that makes her feel the most insecure?” he asked me.
I nodded, still unable to speak. No one ever touches me there of all the years I’ve had sex, guys act like it’s disgusting or ugly and I AM ashamed of it.
I allowed him to squeeze it, touch it and make it “talk”. As he played with it he looked into my eyes and asked me, “Now that I’ve seen it already and I’m telling you it’s not the ugliest stomach I’ve ever seen, Can you not be sensitive about it? Can you be okay with your body around me?”
I couldn’t even speak because I thought I might cry.
I just nodded again and pulled my shirt down as I bit my lip to hold in my tears. All I could do was pull him toward me and hug him tightly.
I never got to tell him how much that meant to me. I don’t think I have ever felt more beautiful than that moment. At that moment I felt safe.
We never kissed. We never had sex. I have only seen him once since then and that’s because I really needed to get another shampoo *code word for I want his hands rubbing my head*. I have never scratched his back in ecstasy or made him roll his eyes back in his head hands-free, but I don’t need to. In that moment, we were more intimate than any man I’ve ever been with.
And I must say, he satisfies. Completely.