You’re a giving person and your heart says help those in need. Sometimes it feels as though everyone needs help and you’re equipped to do it. You tell yourself that you’re lucky that you don’t have to depend on people and the ones who do just need a helping hand. After a while you’re exhausted and frustrated because it’s not easy being the giver all of the time.
Do you ever feel like you’re being taken advantage of? Do you have people around who continually tell sob stories or try to get you to give to them because they are struggling? Do you sometimes feel like people are scamming you, asking for favors every time you turn around?
There’s a simple remedy for getting over the feeling of being used, but first you have to understand a simple lesson.
You are NOT obligated to take care of anyone other than yourself. There is no one watching you and judging you for how much you give to others. Do not allow anyone to sucker you into believing that it is your obligation to meet their needs. You are responsible for yourself first, anything you do outside of taking care of you, is a choice.
Which brings me to my next and most important point. If you do decide that after all of your own needs are met and you have a few of your wants, that you feel like helping someone else, it is okay to do so. If you want to avoid feeling like you have been taken advantage of or used you only have to remember one thing:
ONLY GIVE WHAT YOU WANT TO GIVE.
When you decide that you are only going to give what you want to give and what doesn’t hurt you to give, you can NEVER feel used because then giving is a choice and not a demand. If someone tries to give you a guilt trip about not helping them, don’t feel guilty, they are not your obligation and you don’t owe them anything. Not your parents, not your children, not your family, not your best friends- no one. You do not owe anyone anything.
When you DECIDE to give, it should only be because you want to. This way no one can ever take advantage of you.
Yes, there are some people who delight themselves in scamming others or trying to get things for free. Don’t worry about them. Because they have this mentality they will always live in lack and poverty simply because they enjoy being in a position where they have to scam or live cheap. They will be scamming for free cigarettes for the rest of their lives and feeling powerful every time someone gives them one. Allow them to have that, give up the cigarette. Let them continue to be a beggar for the rest of their lives.
You can never be taken advantage of when you only give what you want to give. The best way to avoid feeling remorse after giving to someone is to not expect anything in return. Only give WHEN you want to give and don’t ever expect the needy to return the favor.
You can do this. It’s not about how they see you, it’s about how you see the situation. Are you okay? Do you have everything you need? If so, you are fine. They may be gloating because they got over on you but they will have to move on to the next person and scam or ask for help because they will rarely move on from that pitiful begging and scamming lifestyle.
You were never there and never will be.
Those poor unfortunate souls.