Hoping To Find a Good Fit

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I have been MIA because I am over here being my SAVVY SELF! Let me fill you in on my latest adventure. I am hustling my ass off as a freelance writer through this site I was invited to join called Ebyline. Basically, if you have real reporting experience you’ll get real jobs, freelance assignments through here and I have been doing well pitching and already I have 4 assignments so I’m writing and hopefully I’ll get paid soon to catch up from when I lost my writing job a month ago.

Also- within LA, many of you know I started my new blog Moving To LA TODAY. Well, with this blog I decided I would become a tastemaker in Los Angeles even though I know absolutely NO ONE here and I am not popular or friendly.

But I don’t care. My opinion matters, I am a writer so I want respect. What I did was create an award for the most awesome people in the city called the Los Angeles Power Players. I decided to give everyone an award and write about them. This allows me to meet every single admirable person in LA.

Of course I’m nervous because no one knows me, why should they care what I write and I’m not pretty and fancy and I don’t even have a car for goodness sakes. But I don’t care. I contacted them anyway, even though I had panic attacks while doing it.

ANd one by one I’m doing video interviews and writing articles about these important people and one by one they are looking at how skilled I am at so many things like writing, hosting, video editing, marketing and promotion. They literally- eyes get wide- when they realize I am doing this all by myself and I was so insecure about that but the worst they can do is say No. I deliver on my skills so if they turn away from that because I am not fancy or have nice clothes and money- so be it.

Cross your fingers that this goes well, but I think it will. I am celebrating awesome people in Los Angeles. I’m not bringing drama or asking anyone for anything. I am so afraid everyday. The only time when I am not feeling anxious are the moments (it feels like such a brief moment) when the camera is rolling and I’m interviewing. When I’m on camera I feel like everything is right with the world. I don’t feel any anxiety or nervousness and I am my best version of me.

I don’t know what happens when the camera turns off. I start to shake and get jittery and I don’t know what to say or how to act.

Luckily, the people I’ve been meeting this week are all business people so they are busy and we have one thing in common, that we are bossy and go-getters. They are much more successful than I am- for now- but I do see myself becoming immersed in this business lifestyle like they are.

It’s panic attacks every night for me because of all of this socializing but I am pushing through it and enjoying what I am doing so far. I’m scared. I am so scared. The only thing I am not afraid of is the result of my work. I know I create a great product. I AM a great product.

I came here to offer LA a gift. I hope they allow me to give it to them. I hope I can finally find my fit here.

It’s tough. Let me get back to writing. Someone hit me up and asked if I was okay and it made me wonder if anyone else wondered the same thing!

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