It’s winding down to the day I’ll have to move out of here and onto the streets. I am feeling okay about it. I am so busy planning the job fair and writing that I don’t have time for fear.
Today my sister and I went to Walmart and I passed out fliers to the women I came across. My sisters gave me a dirty look, “You are embarrassing me,” she said.
I laughed, “If you had your own business you wouldn’t promote it?”
“Yeah but this is weird.”
When she dropped me off she didn’t drive away so I hung over the passenger side door cooing at my nieve Ariana. My sister looked over at me, “Are you really gonna do this?”
I smiled, “Yes. I’m not scared. The only thing I’m afraid of is the people who have promised their support and are now not answering their phones. I hate when people say they are going to do something and they don’t do it. Other than that, I’m fine.”
“Where are you going to go? What are you going to do? What is going to happen to you?” she asked.
“Look. I really don’t know. All I know is, if I do this I will be set free from the fear of it and who knows, other women may be too. I’m going to miss my stuff, but hanging on to that stuff is like trying to live in the past. I can’t do that. I have to do this. I’ll be ok.”
As I made my way back up to my apartment, I sat on my bed and looked around at the mess. A TV station already called to interview me on Monday morning and a newspaper is sending a photographer to see me on Monday as well.
Yes, I do hope this gathers national attention but I really hope that women see this website and they don’t forget to come back because it touches their hearts in a way that no other site has.
I know it’s just a little old corner of the cyber world, but My Savvy Sisters is my passion all rolled into one. If I had a resource like this or access to a publisher who was devoted to helping me make my dreams come true I would have taken full advantage.
I’m eating ramen noodles tonight. But this time I bought a can of chicken to add to it so it fills me up a little more. Wanna hear something crazy?
I have had a very difficult time with anxiety. It started about 4 years ago and got worse and worse as the years went by. By the time I started My Savvy Sisters in February, it had started to calm down and now, as I move closer to doing this project I have not had ONE panic attack at all. I don’t even remember the last time I felt that burning feeling in my chest and the paranoia that comes with it.
If I am finally facing my biggest fear of losing everything then why don’t I feel fearful?
Maybe it’s because I am choosing to face my fear and it’s for a good cause. I still don’t know what will happen to me or if anyone will support this project. I have no clue if any women will be uplifted by my message or if anyone will donate to allow us to give to a homeless woman. I don’t know.
Tonight I spoke with my sons over the phone and he asked, “Mama, when this project is over will you be able to buy a house?”
“I don’t know, baby. I don’t know what is going to happen.”
All I know is, I know this is the right thing to do and I am not afraid.