It’s been 20 years since you met. You’ve gone through almost everything together, first boyfriends, losing your virginity, first heartbreak, college entrance exams and even trudging through university.
Now that you’re officially adults with the bullet wounds to prove it, somehow, her presence in your life doesn’t seem as appealing as it once was. Sometimes, when you look at her, you still see the little girl you shared lunch with back when you were teens but you’re aching to move on from that time of your life.
You don’t want to seem like a bad person, but you’ve outgrown the conversations, the stories and the repetitiveness of life. You try to talk yourself out of it, but it becomes even more clear, you want a break from this relationship so you can clear your head a bit.
Here are 5 Reasons Why You Should Dump Your Bestfriend
1. She depends on you to help her make all of her important decisions.
If you have a friend who desperately needs you to help make the little decisions in life, chances are she has become dependent on you. You may think to yourself, “But she needs me.” No, what she needs is to learn how to stand on her own. It’s a wonderful thing to be there for a friend in need but it’s even better to let her learn how to become dependent on herself.
2. She competes with you for the ‘woe is me’ award.
For every sad circumstance you face, your BFF has an even more dramatic and victimizing story. She allows you to make excuses for not being your best self and coddles you when you’re feeling like a failure. This is not a good friend to have in your corner because she’s secretly enabling you to remain stagnant.
3. She believes drama is a standard part of every romantic relationship.
Every relationship has a bit of drama, or so she believes. When her man cheats on her or is emotionally abusive to her, she chalks it up to the ebb and flow of the relationship and is patient enough to wait it out, hoping he’ll change his ways. She encourages you to do the same and you do follow suit, until you find yourself alone with 3 kids from 3 different fathers and no one to turn to for help.
4. She’s afraid to fail.
There’s no greater detriment to a mover and shaker than someone who constantly reminds them that the risks outweigh the rewards. She wants you to stay with her and be comfortable, even though she is generally unhappy. She encourages you by saying, “You can’t change the world.”
5. Still complaining about the same things she complained about 10 years ago.
It was cute when you were teenagers but the same old sob stories are getting old. How many times can you hear, “I think he’s cheating on me.” How many times will you have to repeat the same words of encouragement to the same person who simply does not get it? You want to grow but this relationship that was once a benefit to you, actually seems like a burden these days.
So, how do you get the monkey off your back without seeming like a cruel and evil friend? First, you have to understand that every relationship has its season. You don’t have to END your friendship but you can make some adjustments that will give you the freedom you need to grow.
1. Answering every other call you receive from her.
2. Call her back only after you have done work towards your goals each day.
3. Tell her you’ll call her back when she goes in on those ‘woe is me’ stories.
4. Tell her that you believe she can figure things out on her own and to call you back when she has made a decision.
You aren’t abandoning your friend, you’re simply making adjustments for your own growth and success. Hopefully your friend will learn to ride life’s waves with you. If not, you can still be proud of yourself because you have been a good friend while it lasted.